Save Your Pity Please

Recently, an old friend of mine posted something on her Facebook that got me thinking. She posted "10 things you didn't know about me", one of which was this; "I hate it when friends who have babies and post more photos of the baby then their husbands...can we say murder of a sex life?"

This got me thinking about how sometimes child free women view mommies. Is it bad to say that we are misunderstood by our child-free sisters? Dare I say they pity us, or do they just not understand? So here it is. I'm gonna answer some of the "why" questions our child-free friends may be wondering (many of which I have been asked by various people) . Maybe it'll shed some light and they will understand us, rather then pity us.

Q: Why don't you take care of yourself anymore?

A: We do take care of ourselves. Maybe not in the way you think I should. I try to eat well, work out if I get the time, sleep when I can. I try to stay healthy and fit. But if you mean why don't I get dolled up on a daily basis anymore, well, I spend most of my day with a baby. They don't judge me on what I'm wearing or what my make up looks like.

Q: Why do moms always cut their hair short or put their hair in a pony tail?

A: Time is limited. I don't have the luxury of spending 45 minute blow drying and flat ironing my hair. I have 5 minutes to get ready while you have 1 hour. I have to get another person ready too while you only have to take care of yourself. So yes, function over fashion. I think it's a good look for me.

Q: Why did you cancel your gym membership?

A: After putting the baby to bed, getting dinner on the table and doing the day to day things that make my household run I just can't find the time or energy. This is not to say I don't exercise. I carry around a 20 Lbs weight all day. Up stairs, down stairs. Into a crib, out of a crib. Onto the floor, off the floor. Add in a infant car seat...I'm carrying 30 Lbs. Check out my biceps, I can probably beat your ass in an arm wrestle.

Q: Guess you can kiss your high heels goodbye. Aren't you sad?

A: I may be in flats now, but that's not to say I'll never wear heels again. I just can't bring myself to wear my $300 Jimmy Choo's to strollercise, seems like a waste. Plus, you have to take your shoes off at Baby and Me classes anyways, so what's the point? Yeah, I'm sad. I didn't know I had to pick between hot shoes or a baby...I hope I made the right choice!

Q:Your home all day, why do you look so tired?

A: No answer. If you ask me this I'm afraid I may lunge over and smack you.

Q: Do you REALLY need all that baby gear?

A: Imagine this. You are unable to tell anyone you have to go to the bathroom, but you have to go all the time. You can't wipe your own butt, and when you do take a dump there is an off chance it may be so explosive it will shoot out the back of your diaper (even sometimes getting in your hair). You are on a special diet, and eat every few hours. You have to be occupied at all times, and at times you have trouble staying awake for more then 1 1/2 hrs. You can't stand, so you have to sit...anywhere, even dirty public bathrooms. Now also imagine you need someone to carry all of this for you because you are too little to do it yourself...that someone is me. I'm sorry I don't want to make my baby sit in a full diaper or leave her in an outfit where she just shit all over.

Q: Can't you sleep when the baby sleeps?

A: Can you sleep on demand? I can't

Q: Why are you in yoga pants all the time?

A: I bend down a lot! to pick up the baby, to pick up toys, to play with her, to clean up after her. I have 20 seconds to go to the bathroom when she is awake as to make sure she doesn't fall flat on er face, get into my BlueRay, or pull down a chair. Buttons and zippers take too long. Your not in yoga class, why are you wearing them?

Q: Why are all the pictures on Facebook of the baby?

A: For the same reason all the pictures of you are in a club. This is my life. She takes up most of my day and I like sharing the fun with family and friends.

Q: Why are the pictures only of the baby, and not of the family and you and your Husband?

A: I'm with the baby all day, sometimes the day goes by so fast I feel like I missed her doing something. I take pictures to capture memories to I can look back at them. Just like you and your friends getting shit faced on Saturday night. It's hard to get a family picture. It's just the 3 of us and if mommy and daddy are in the picture, well, baby hasn't figured out how to use the camera yet.

Q: Your sex life must suck!

A: Not that it's any of your business but...not it's just fine thank you. After a long sleep deprived day of work, house and baby honestly, you are too tired to get to the dirty dirty. However, DH and I find the time. It may not be as crazy, hot and wild as before, but hey we've also been together for almost a decade. We also love the personal time when we do get it since we know that it can be hard to come by. You know when my sex life sucked? when I was single.

sometimes I talk to my child free friends and they sound like they feel so sorry for me. Please don't be sorry, I'm not. Yes, I have spit up on shoulder, my hair is in a pony tail, I wear yoga pants, I run on 5 hours sleep a night and sometimes I'm elbow deep in shit, but this is my life. I choose to bring a life into this world, I choose to have a child. I may complain but it's not for you to feel sorry for me, it's because you are the first adult I've talked to all day. Don't pity me, my life is filled with so much joy. I look at my husband and get to know that he is the best man I've ever known and he is a wonderful father. I get to enjoy seeing my husband totally melt when his daughter hugs him. I get to hear this tiny person call out "mama" and smile at me when I look into her eyes. I enjoy baby kisses and cuddles and unconditional love (for now). I get the gift of wonder when I make a silly sound and hear my daughter giggle and I get to hug my daughter and know she will be my baby forever. So please don't pity me. Just be understanding. Understand that I may always be 15 minutes late to our coffee date, I may smell like throw up sometimes, I may have to cancel on you at the last minute and I may have to pull out a boob in front of you when I'm not prepared for a feeding.

Growing Up So Fast.

I can't believe it. Baby E is 6 months old. I just want to say that it really does go by so fast. To all those new moms out there who are frustrated and aggravated because of lack of sleep (I'm in that boat too) and can't seem to get everything done in a day (also in that boat as well) cherish the little moments that make you smile. You know people always say it goes by so fast...guess what, it really does. Sure the baby gets more fun when they can sit up, giggle and interact. But all the little things like cuddles, rocking to sleep...those things as they get bigger and older become no more and even if you want to do it, you can't.

Baby E is now eating purees and sitting up. This means less time breast feeding and she is way too big to be rocked to sleep comfortably. Yes, I still do it when she is fussy, but I remember the times I would rock her for 45 min and it would drive me nuts. Guess what, sometimes I wish I could do it now, just so I can see her sleeping in my arms.

So final words: You may hate it now, but believe me, in a few months you'll miss it. So look on the bright side and try to enjoy the little wonderful moments...that is all

Judge and Jury

It’s been 2 weeks and 5 day since our baby girl came into our lives and these 2 weeks have been a real learning experience. Believe me, I now have no shortage of topics to blog about. From my boobs and milk production to projectile shits, the list is endless. But why bore you with the details of my last 2 weeks. I’m sure you’ve all had your fill of the TMI (Too Much Information) entries so far. So allow me to take a break from the breastfeeding, the diaper debacles and the other small adventures I’ve had that may seem mundane to those without children. I’ll be sure to blog about these things another day.

Now I’ve always been a judger. I judge and that’s just who I am. I never made any apologies about it and still don’t. It’s just who I am. But as a new mom something happened, I was now being judged, or at least felt like I was. Now being judged never really bothered me before, I have never apologized for who I am. But suddenly, I find myself bothered that or worried that my mommy skills may not be up to par.

Is my mother right? Do I hold her too much? And she’ll grow up to be clingy?

Does her pediatrician think I’ve let her nails grow too long and she may scratch herself?

Do other moms think I’m dressing her in too little/ or too many layers? Will se be too hot or too cold? Or do they just think I have no idea what I'm doing (they may be right on that one)

These are things that have been going through my head. I know it’s natural for a first time mother to question every little thing. I mean nobody wants to think they are doing a bad job or makes their baby uncomfortable. I know this is going to be a learning process and there is one heck of a learning curve. I just have to remember that women, seemingly less fit then myself, have raised children and have been successful. So how bad could I be at it? I just have to remind myself that people may not necessarily be judging me. If I’m holding a crying baby that wont calm down, they may be even actually pitying me.

You Are What You Eat

I'm sure I'm not the only first time mother to feel this way, and I'm confident that I wont be the last. Despite all the happiness and wonder that comes with having a baby, there is also an equal, if not greater, amount of fear. Not the fear of child birth (not yet anyways, that will come later) but the fear of messing up and doing something I shouldn't thus potentially hurting this developing baby inside of me. What if I sneeze too hard? Are the hot showers I take too hot? My salad had feta cheese on it and I ate it, will that hurt my baby? A million other what if's run through my head and it's never ending. I mean in the beginning we read what we can about what not to do, but there are always people out there who impose their own theories on you. Family and cultural beliefs that are not based on medical fact but rather cultural folklore, no matter how silly they may seem, they plant this "what if its true" seed in your brain and it can really mess with your head.

"Don't eat watermelon or anything that cools your body temperature" says my dad "it messes with your Che". WHAT? "your Che, balance. You have to keep balance, so don't drink to many cold drinks" he continued. This to me sounded ridiculous, but everything I'm presented with watermelon, guess what I don't eat it...totally messed with my head. I've always been a pretty private person when it comes to people giving me advise, I usually take it with a grain of salt and not really pay too much attention. However, since I'm dealing with uncharted territory here I tend to give a bit more attention when it comes to the stuff people say. But at the same time I know some if it is complete bull$hit; but I can't help to stand on the side of caution.

For example, tea. I'm Chinese and we drink tea...lots and lots of tea, jasmine tea , green tea, orange pekoe, Hong Kong "special" tea. But some teas have caffeine which should be limited when pregnant. When I refused some jasmine tea at dim sum one morning on a visit back home to Toronto my sister said "Really? tell that to all those pregnant Chinese women we see drinking tea with dinner." She made a good point, I mean didn't China have one of the worlds largest populations? Tea hadn't hindered the birth rate of my peoples; was this another bull$hit theory? Yet, I still don't drink tea, any tea.

So here is a list of 10 things I've been steering clear of of far, some may have medical proof to back it up and some are just things people have told me and have messed with my head. I guess some things we'll just never know but better safe then sorry I say.

1. Caffeine (Cola, Coffee, certain teas)

2. Deli meats

3. Unpasteurized dairy (goat cheese, blue cheese)

4. Shellfish (I limit this to once a week in limited amounts)

5. Watermelon, ginseng and other foods that "cool your Che" (thanks dad)

6. Sushi

7. High mercury fish such as swordfish

8. Sugar (possible danger of gestational diabetes)

9. Unwashed fruits and veggies

10. Undercooked meats (I used to like my steak med-rare)

All I know is this, when baby is out, I'm going to for all-you-can eat sushi, drinking lots of green tea and cola with a super sugary dessert, and maybe some watermelon too.

Sleep is for the weak...and the pregnant

One of the first signs of pregnancy is fatigue. I'm talking I don't want to do anything, going to sleep for 12 hours, too tired to wash my hair, fatigue. I had waited a few days before I told Dear Husband that he was gonna be a daddy. I wanted to think of a cute way to tell him, I mean the first time only happens once right? Yeah, that never happened.

Now, you may think I'm just a lazy ass and that I'm exaggeration, but I'm not. I was feeling tired all the time. I would fall asleep at around 8pm every night and wake up at 7:30 the next morning; I really didn't have any energy to do anything, if I didn't have to work I would have slept all day only waking up to eat and go to the bathroom. DH started to get worried. He thought I was sad or something. "No Dear, I'm just tired" I would say. I can honestly say I felt drained, like this soon to be baby was a mack truck and it just knocked me on my ass . It was like the little bugger inside of me was taking all my super powers away. I would start to take naps on weekends and lay in bed right after I got home from work. Sleep was all the developing embryo needed. No food, no water just sleep. Sleep so that mommy's powers could be taken away as she dozed in her bed.

DH started to get worried since at this point he still had no clue. He thought it was because I didn't have a wedding to plan anymore, like I was falling into a post-wedding depression. "Are you OK? do you need a new hobby or a new project?" he would ask. After a few days of this I couldn't hold it in anymore. "Honey" I said "I'm not depressed, I'm pregnant" the look on his face was priceless. Bet ya he didn't see that one coming.

Welcome to the Baby Shoe Diaries

A few family and friends had asked me if I had been blogging about my first pregnancy experience, I mean I blogged about my wedding and about food so why not this life event? I don't know why I hadn't started one sooner. So here I am, 5:20am on a Friday morning in my 27th week of pregnancy starting a new blog. Welcome to The Baby Shoe Diaries. I'll be blogging about the good the bad and the ugly aspects of pregnancy; and believe me, there is plenty good, bad and ugly. Given I'm not the first women to go through this but this is my take on it all from morning sickness to that final push and beyond. You may agree, you may not. Sometimes it'll be gross and maybe once in a while it will make you smile. I'm not trying to change the world here people, just trying to shed a little light and share my experiences with the hopes that moms to-be (and existing moms) out there can relate and maybe crack a smile.