Growing Up So Fast.

I can't believe it. Baby E is 6 months old. I just want to say that it really does go by so fast. To all those new moms out there who are frustrated and aggravated because of lack of sleep (I'm in that boat too) and can't seem to get everything done in a day (also in that boat as well) cherish the little moments that make you smile. You know people always say it goes by so fast...guess what, it really does. Sure the baby gets more fun when they can sit up, giggle and interact. But all the little things like cuddles, rocking to sleep...those things as they get bigger and older become no more and even if you want to do it, you can't.

Baby E is now eating purees and sitting up. This means less time breast feeding and she is way too big to be rocked to sleep comfortably. Yes, I still do it when she is fussy, but I remember the times I would rock her for 45 min and it would drive me nuts. Guess what, sometimes I wish I could do it now, just so I can see her sleeping in my arms.

So final words: You may hate it now, but believe me, in a few months you'll miss it. So look on the bright side and try to enjoy the little wonderful moments...that is all

I Am Not a Shit Mom!

A few weeks ago a dear friend of mine told me she was pregnant. I am super excited for her and happy that she is about to be a mom for the first time. As I logged off our Facebook chat I thought of all the things I wanted to tell her, advise and things that she may not yet have known about pregnancy. Then, a few days later an acquaintance of mine messaged me. "Let me fix your sleeping problems" she wrote. "My son does this this and this and I think you should do this this and this". As I read her message I started to get a bit pissed off. She made me feel like a shit mom for having a baby who sleeps at 9:30/ 10pm. She made me feel like a loser because her son (who is the same age as Baby E) takes 3 naps a day while my daughter takes 4. I mean who the f' asked you for help anyways? I closed the laptop, took a breath and reminded myself that Baby E is happy and healthy. And that I AM NOT A SHIT MOM! Every baby is different and this "acquaintance" has too much time on her hands and reads too many baby sleep books.

So this got me thinking about my friend who just told me she was expecting. I had all these things I wanted to tell her but now I've checked myself. I'm gonna keep that shit to myself until she asks. It's funny. I guess women like to share thier experiences (after all I am blogging about it, but you log on out of your own free will) and they like to give advise. But sometimes we really have to check it at the door. Not everyone whats to hear about our experiences, or what we did and how we did it. Especially when they are having a hard time with something....like sleep, the last thing we need is someone telling us how they did it better. If advise and information is being seeked, those who seek it will ask for it and go actively looking for it. I guess the last thing they need is someone telling them how it should be done, rather they want to do it themselves and learn from experiences.

So there it is. I am a non-shit mom who is keeping her mouth shut!...I'll just type it out on this blog :)

Morning Sickness or Something I Ate?

Sunday morning I woke up with a bit of a scare. I wasn't feeling too hot and well just plain sick. As I placed Baby E down after her wake up feeding it hit me; I ran to the bathroom and....threw up. WTF? As I rinsed out the nastiness from my mouth I began to think, where was my period? I should be getting it if not already gotten it already. My heart almost stopped. Don't get me wrong, I want to have another baby but not right now. DH and I would like to wait till March so I can go back on Maternity Leave for baby #2. In Canada you have to be back to work for at least 4 months to get benefits from the government for a full year. Plus, the thought of being Preggo again while still trying to figure this parenting thing out...oh dear god! I always look at mothers with 2 under 2 years with such admiration, they are truly superheros...and ones with 3 under 3 years...well, you're just plain crazy! :P

I walked back into our bedroom with Baby E in hand and I could see it on DH's face. I passed it off like it must have been something I ate but I wasn't 100% sure. Thankfully I did get my period later on that day so must have been something I ate. No baby #2 just yet. Hopefully, when March rolls around Baby#2 will too.

Thank goodness this all happened on a Sunday. DH was at home and took care of Baby E all day while I slept. All I had to do was nurse her and back to bed I went. Last night I asked him how he liked it. He says to me "I was exhausted by the end of the day!" good to know he now knows how I feel everyday :)

Sleep Baby Sleep...Trying Something New

Late night our put down wake up 1.5 hours later dance occurred again...Baby E woke from her 7pm bedtime put down at 8:30pm (in the middle of mommy's Gossip Girl) and didn't go back to bed till about 10pm. She woke up as happy as can be like it was any other nap. I honestly think the is used to having 4 naps a day and recently because she has woken up later, she has only had 3 before bedtime, shes just trying to stick with what she knows. I mean she has no concept of time, she doesn't know that after she goes to bed mommy can catch up on her guilty pleasures like Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries and Gray's Anatomy...don't judge.

So I'm gonna try something new today. Since Baby E had been going to bed later she has also been waking up later. This morning she woke up at 6am (after going to bed at 10pm!), not enough sleep I know but I kept her up at 6am with the hopes that she will go back to her previous schedule. I know it doesn't always work that way with babies but I have to give it a go and see what happens. I mean isn't that what first time moms do? They throw shit at the wall and see what sticks?!

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November 29, 2011

Update: 2 words- Epic FAIL!

To say that none of the shit I have thrown to the wall stuck would be an understatement. So Baby E continues to wake up at 6-7am every morning. But she still refuses to sleep till 9:30/10pm (last night it was 1am) I have to get her to drop that last nap at 5/6pm but how? I've tried to wake her up early from the nap but she somehow finds a way to get back into a pattern where she wakes up at 8pm and is up till 10pm...I guess I just have to keep trying.

Isn't it sad when your baby's bedtime is later then yours?

Sleep Baby Sleep

Since about 4 months Baby E has become a decent sleeper. This is when we taught her to fall asleep on her own. No more rocking for an hour and walking around like a zombie. It was much easier this time around since her skill to self soothe herself was much stronger. Now, when we see she is tired we bring her up to her room, read her a story, pit her down when she yawns and close the door. Sometimes, she will whine or fuss but nothing really more then 10 min. Usually she just pops her thumb in her mouth and goes down without a fight.

Only now do I realize that Baby E is actually a pretty good sleeper...she would go to bed at 6:30pm wake at around 1am and go to 6am (sometimes there is a 4am feeding too). Until, recently. So when the change to daylights savings time came it was a bit rough, she would go down at 5am and wake at around 4am (how fun for me) but as time progressed she found her old schedule again...that is until about a week ago.

Baby E hit 5 months old and something changed. She would wake up 1hr after I put her down for bed and stay up till 9 sometimes 10pm! At first I thought it was because DH was away for work and she somehow felt he was gone, but DH has since come home and still wake ups after her bedtime put down.

I know I can't fight it and I can't force her to sleep (crying it out does not work when she is not tired) so I just have to pick her up and wait till she gets tired again. But I'm wondering what is going on? She isn't fussing so I don't think she is teething, she is starting to learn to roll but not sure if that will make her wake But more importantly, I want her to get enough rest. She will wake up around 7:30/8 am now and in my opinion 9-10 hours with a feeding in the middle is not enough sleep for a 5 month old. Let's hope she finds her way again and soon. If she continues to get up after bedtime, DH and I can kiss date nights out the window.

Baby's Got a Cold

I think one of the things I fear the most, aside from Baby E refusing to sleep ( which has gotten much better, but I don't wanna jinx it) is if and when Baby E is sick. The first time was a bit scary for me, it was about a month and a half ago and she had a bit of a cough. I didn't think anything of it because she had recently discovered her cough and would sometimes just cough and giggle , like she was playing. Then at night she threw up...I thought she ate too much. Then she did it again, and again and again. In total 6 up chucks in 3 hours. She had no fever but would cough and shove her hand down there throat and up it all came. That was not a fun night to say the least. DH had to make a 2am run to the drug store to get electrolytes (he came back with 3 huge bottles in different flavors for some reason).

I didn't mind staying up with her, rocking her and holding her; If I had to do it all night I would have gladly done so. It's the not knowing what to do or whats wrong that kills me. I mean it's not like she can say " Hay mom, my throat hurts" or "I need a Tylonol". Really, we're just guessing whats wrong. I bring this up because Baby E seems to have a cough again, and I'm so scared that it will get worse. I know kids get sick, the will build up their immune system and the fact that I breast feed helps a lot but none the less, it still worries me every time.

This makes me think, am I dressing her warm enough (it's starting to get chilly out here in Canada)? did she pick it up from a play group? am I keeping the house clean enough? all these things that make me wonder how I can protect her from these nasty germs. I know it's impossible and I can't put her in a bubble, but I guess this is just the Mama Bear in me coming out.

Mama Bear

I've realized one of the possible reasons Baby E needs us to rock her to sleep night after night. Mommy needs to rock her to sleep night after night. Dispite the number it's doing on my back, no matter how much sleep I loose and my mounting frustration of her lack of sleep at the end of the day I will admit, I am to blame for Baby E's dependnce on me and DH. Before Baby E was a reality, I had always said I would not be a super protective mother. I wouldn't coddle, I would let them explore and let her be independent. HA! yeah right!. I will say now that I think I am one of the most protective mothers I know. I hate to hear her cry or see her upset and if I had to I would hold her all night and forgo my sanity to make her happy. Now, some of my non-mommy friends may scoff and shake their heads, heck, some of my mommy friends may do the same but I make no apologies.

I think that it's natural for a first time mom to be protective, maybe not as excessive as I am, but hey, if I do something I don't go half ass. I mean you are suddenly responsible for this whole other person. They depend on you for EVERYTHING. You are in charge of keeping them happy, clean, healthy and most of all safe. If they cry you naturally want to comfort them, if they are dirty you naturally want to clean them and if they are happy, you naturally want to keep that smile on their face for as long as possible. Some people may say being too protective is spoiling your child. I tend to disagree. Sure, Baby E may be fine in a loud arena while DH and I take in a Hockey game. She will also be fine putting that toy in her mouth after X amount of kids had played with it before her, but I don't think I will let it happen if I can help it. I say being protective is doing what is natural. Giving all the love that I have, all the attention that I can and all the time I can doesn't mean I'm spoiling my baby. Giving my baby new things every week and giving into tantrums in the Wal-Mart toy section is spoiling them. What I am doing is trying to be a good mom, when the day comes when I don't feel the need to protect my child (be it from germs, excessive noise or other people), that is the day I should rethink being a mom.

My Hairy Situation

So here's something I can add to the "$hit they don't tell you about pregnancy" list. Hair loss!

Sure, when you are preggo your hair is nice, smooth, shiny and healthy; but after it. all. falls. out!

No joke after I wash my hair I look down and there is a Wookie sitting on top of my drain! It really is gross. I will run my hand threw my hair and a chunk of hair will be entangled between my fingers. I sweep and Biselle all the time since there is more of my hair on the floor then there is cat hair. It gets everywhere, even on Baby E.

So I have decided to do it. I am gonna get a mommy hair cut. No, this is not a day where mommy will take time for herself and get a nice day at the salon. I'm talking about chopping it all off, short! (insert panic attack) don't get me wrong, I've had short hair before. Mostly bobs and shoulder length, but what I'm talking about here goes a bit shorter. Ever since High school the shortest my hair has ever been was just below my ears. Right now it's to the middle of my back. I need something that Baby E can't grab onto and pull, something that wont cause my drain to plug up and most importantly, something that is easy to maintain and takes little to no time to style, buzz cut anyone? (joke)

So now I have to find a style that will suit me. Not an easy task since super short styles don't often suit big round faces...I've never cried at at hair cut before, but this time I just may

Nightly Sleep Dance

Wow, really? has it been THAT long since I've written an entry? It seems so. But believe me there has been no shortage of material. In the past month Baby E has learned to do a lot. The most notable is she has learned to use her voice. We are not talking coos and hums. We are talking about screams and yelling. To be honest it was a really cute in the beginning but became less cute as it started to effect her sleep. The week before, DH and I tried something new, we would rock Baby E till she was drowsy and then placed her in her crib. After a minute or 2 of whimpering she would turn around, pop her thumb in her mouth and off to sleep she went.(we have since been reluctant of sleep training since our experience last month). It was great! naps went from 45 min to 1 1/2 hours, she slept well through the night (still 1 or 2 feedings) and she seems to be a happy, well rested little baby. Then the screaming and yelling happened. It seemed that Baby E was much more interested in listening to her own voice then to sleep (yay, how fun for me). so I'd rock her and bounce her; she would let out a happy yell and scream; I'd continue to rock her and bounce her... eventually this resulted in me rocking and bouncing for 30-45 min (insane I know).

At the end of it all Baby E wouldn't sleep, not for long anyway. She would wake up crying if I put her down and DH and I found ourselves back where we were about a month ago. With a baby who wanted to be held all the time, despite her ability to self soothe herself to sleep on her own. It got to a point where if she did sleep it was only for 1-2 hours, then she would wake up wanting to play and stay up for 3 hours! WTF? all the books I read say babies at her age are only supposed to stay up for 1-2 hours...yeah, right! Tell me that at 1am when I've been bouncing my baby for 45 min! I think one of the most frustrating things for a new mom is when you know your baby is exhausted, you are doing everything you can to help them sleep and they just can't (or wont). But frustration aside, I have to remember that this little person is new and has yet to developed the skills needed to manage day to day, it's just a phase and it will eventually pass (I can type this now because its not 1am and I'm not bouncing and rocking her).

Anyway, with this new discovery, DH and I have had little sleep...but at least my little girl has discovered her voice, and isn't afraid to use it; which may be bad for us when she reaches 4 years old. No quite little girl for us!

Early Sleep Training = Feeling Like a Bad Mother

Please note that the picture here showing a peaceful baby is not the result of my first sleep training experience.

So this past week has been a bit rough. If I never felt like a bad mother before, I did this week. DH and I felt that Baby E was ready to learn how to self soothe herself to sleep. We thought she was ready, she had done it before on occasion. In a way we were right, on the other hand we were VERY wrong. For those of you who are not familiar with the "Cry it out" method of sleep training, what you do is you lay your baby in the crib while semi-awake, semi-sleeping and leave the room. The modified version allows parents to go into the room to reassure baby that they are not abandoned in specific time intervals, each time being longer then the previous. DH and I further modified this but going in every 5-7 minutes. We decided to start with naps and continue on with her bedtime.

Day 1 was good, Baby E actually fell asleep straight away when I put her down after our nap routine ( I sing her a little song till she eyes get heavy) not bad I thought, Baby E was doing great. Day 2 and 3 rolled around and it was a whole new ball game. The first time I put her down she cried on and off for 1 1/2 hours. I couldn't take it anymore. I picked her up and held her tight. With nap 2 and 3 she cried for about 20 minutes and then slept, but only for about 30 minutes. Day 3 was much of the same if not a bit worse.

The main goal here was to get her to soothe herself and get a restful sleep. Let me tell you, she was far from rested. With nap 4 she cried for 30 minutes and she slept for about 2 hours, probably because she was just so tired. As bedtime rolled around we wrapped her up, fed her and started to read her her story. FREAK OUT! she cried and cried. After about 1 hour she slept, not peacefully mind you, waking up 20 minutes later and crying for another 15 minutes. I could hear her whimper through her monitor.

Yesterday was much of the same but at bedtime when the routine started you could see it in her eyes, she was terrified! I couldn't do it to her again, she was so scared to fall asleep even when I rocked her to bed she would wake up with a petrafied look on her face. I had to abandon ship.

Now I have to work to reverse the fear I've instilled in her and get her back to the way it was before. I just want to see a smiling baby again, not a tired scared one. The good thing that came from this is she found a soothing mechanisum, she sucks her hand. Still when I out her to bed tonight she was nervous, she sucked on the hand for her whole story and woke up once. Not crying but whimpering. For those who have yet to experiance a scared child let me tell you how it is. Imagine someone ripped out your heart, placed it in front of you and punched it repeatedly. That's how it feels to listen to your baby cry, that's how it feels when you see fear in your baby's eyes when she looks up at you.

Now I'm not saying the CIO (cry it out) method doesn't work, I'm sure it does. I just don't think Baby E was ready for it. We may revisit it in a few months, but for now, I'll rock her and hold her for as long as she needs. These days it's about 40 minutes. That's my punishment for making my baby cry I guess.

Aunt Flo, The Unwelcome Visitor

**Warning, possible too much information**

Mother Nature has totally jipped me! One of the things I was looking forward while Breast feeding was not having to deal with my period for a few months; No such luck. Turns out by having DH give Baby E a night bottle of expressed milk, so I could go to sleep earlier, I made my body think that Baby E was now sleeping through the night; which she isn't. People told me that Aunt Flo often returns if your body thinks baby is sleeping through the night...I wish these people told me this sooner. So not only am I waking up at 3am and 5 am to feed Baby E, I have this to look forward to every month. What a jip! Oh, did I mention that my milk supply also tanks a few days and during my period, again, something I wish people had told me before.

So here I am, pissed off my milk is low, PMSing, Sleep deprived and trying everything I can to get the milk back up so I can feed my baby. Aunt Flo, you are so unwelcome!

Attack of the Giant Baby

OK so Baby E didn't attack anyone, but she is giant. In her 10th week she weighed 14 lbs 10 oz. and measured in a little above the 97th percentile for her age. Now at 12 weeks she is at 15 Lbs 11 oz. Not sure if it's genetics (I'm a big girl myself) or if it's my super fatty breast milk but this little girl is thriving. It made me wonder, is she too big? Especially when nurses and other people around us say "She's only 10 weeks? wow, she's a big girl", "Are you only Breast feeding her, my baby is 5 months and only weighs 13 Lbs?" No, I'm force feeding my baby bacon you dumbass is what I really want to say to these people. So for a few days this was on my mind. Was I nursing her too much? I was exclusively breast feeding so it wasn't like I was pumping her full of formula and she was eating every 2.5 - 3 hours, wasn't that normal? Now I know I've said before, trust the mommy insticts but you can imagine how it's easier said then done, especially when your pediatrition says "You're only feeding her when shes hungry, right?" Yes, I've come to realize Baby E's pediatrition is somewhat of a *beep*. I was reminded by another mother that breast fed babies only eat when hungry, they don't over eat and spit up when they do. I was fine, Baby E was just a big eater, or so I hope.

Maybe it's just my genetics, after all I am a bigger girl and so is everyone in my family. With the exception of myself we are all for the most part considered pretty tall (5'9-6 feet). That's pretty tall for Asians. Maybe all those years of eating dumplings and noodles resulted in some super sonic fatty breast milk that produces giant babies; who knows. All I know is Baby is seems pretty healthy and happy. The only issue now is she is heavier so has a harder time with tummy time, which she hates my the way. I can't blame her though, to learn to lift all that weight and hold herself up with her pudgy arms can't be easy. But that's the price she will pay for being a big girl, more tummy time. The price I pay? Having to buy more sleepers and diapers as she grows out of them monthly. She is wearing 6-9 months now....ugh.

Blame It On Mom

For the past month and a bit I've been dealing with the fact that I may be messing up my kid, well, that's what books, articles and other random people have been telling me. What ever happened to letting a woman follow her mommy instincts? Sure, I'll probably mess up Baby E somehow (something I'm trying not to do) but we all have our issues, right?

I was reading the book "The Baby Whisperer" and though I took much of what she said to practice (and some has worked and somethings have not) I refuse to force my baby to do something she doesn't want to do. Like stay up for a period of time after eating, if she wants to sleep after she eats so be it. Yes, I understand that she may think it's OK to sleep after each meal when she grows up, but I as a mother feel I need to listen to what she is telling me. Or napping for no more then 3 hours? How do you think I have have found the time to write up this entry? These "suggestions" and opinions just continue to perpetuate the fears of a first time mother, that you are messing up your kid and doing a bad job at mothering thus, causing more stress; as if running on little sleep and being responsible for this new little person isn't stressful enough.

There is an opinion and a "study" for everything. Should you carry your child all the time, some say yes because it makes them feel secure; some say no, because it makes them clingy...so my child can be clingy but self confident or detached/insecure but independent? Hmmm...decisions decisions. How about sleeping. Do I rock her to sleep or do I let her cry it out? If I rock her she will become dependent and have trouble soothing herself later in life. If I let her cry it out she will have trust and abandonment issues? How is a mom supposed to choose?

I say let me go with my gut. Let me listen to my baby and use my own reasoning and mommy instincts. I mean Baby E was in me growing and thriving for 40 weeks aren't we somehow connected? She listened to my heart beat, ate what I ate, found warmth and comfort in me and nurses from me today. I am somewhat intelligent, not crazy and only have her best interest at heart, should that count to something? Shouldn't that at least make me somewhat of a fit mother?

Will I stop reading these books? Hellz no, I may be able but I am still inexperienced and need all the help I can get.. But I'll take what they say with a gain of salt, picking and choosing what I will follow, and agreeing to disagree with the stuff I think is crap. Like I said before, we're all a bit messed up anyways right? None of us are perfect, our parents made us this way.

Got Milk?

So I think every mom-to-be who plans on breastfeeding has one question that comes into their mind over and over again..." will my boobs get the job done?" Having enough milk is something that had crossed my mind more then once and worried me. I know you read that every woman has the ablity to breastfeed, but do they have the abilty to breastfeed effectivly?

In the hospital Baby E was doing well, she took to my boobs early and I was on my way. However, she was losing weight, at the hospital they don't discharge you if they loose over 10% of their birth weight. I hated the idea of supplamenting with formula. I always thought I wanted to keep it natural, if my nature intended it to be that it will be. But this also meant I could bring Baby E home sooner if I did suplament the formula. So it was done. To my releif my milk supply came in the night we brought her home and all was well. She was eating regulalry and gaining weight...all was right in my breast feeding world.

Around 4 weeks I noticed my milk supply was low. Either that of baby E was clearing this all you can eat buffett out (she is a very good eater). Whatever the case I found that I didn't seem to have enough milk for her. Luckly, I had frozen some expressed milk from the first few weeks where I had lots. It's a horrible feeling to one day have ample milk to feed your baby and in a matter of days start to feel like you were running dry. I didn't want to crack open the formula ( I had some just in case) and I didn't want to confuse Baby E with going from breast milk to formula, back to breast milk if and when I did have more milk again. Worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with my tiny eater I started to read up on what we as breast feeding mothers can do to increase our milk supply.

First there is the obvious, the more baby nurses the more your body will make. I found that this was a slow process, especially since feedings sometimes can happen every hour.

Then there is pumping, not as effective as baby but the next best thing. This way you have expressed milk to freeze for emergancy situations....this stuff is like liquid gold, so stock up! It also stimulates the breast telling your body to make more milk; do we feel like a factory yet?

But what I found that helped me the most...as simple as it sounds...rest and food (combined with the above two). Rest is not so easy to come by I know, but I found that when I got a nap in my milk supply was better. When I didn't nap, my supply was low and I Baby E would try to eat all the time since I guess she wan't getting enough at each feeding. I guess because it takes energy for your body to make milk, and at rest there is more engery available. Also feeding yourself allows for more energy. I mean think about it, you burn 200-500 calories a day breastfeeding (average 20 calories/ ounce) so you need to fuel your body because it needs it. I have heard a lot of mothers say, they loose weight really quickly by breastfeeding since these calories are being burned up. Also, if you breast feed your uterus goes back to normal quicker as well, that's what a nurse told me while in the hospital. But please note, I am not a doctor, nor am I a lactation consultant.

I will be honest though, sometimes I think about supplementing with formula (I know, I was the one who hated the idea at first when in the hospital). Breastfeeding is great, it's free and there are so many health benefits. But it can also be frustrating, tiring and emotionally taxing. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to bottle feed formula and be done with it. Then I think of all the breast milk I will waste, I mean some women want to breast feed but physically can't, so I feel like I would be wasting what I have and taking the "easy" way out. We'll see where this goes. Maybe I'll continue to exclusively breastfeed, maybe not...only time will tell.

Lessons Learned

So Baby E's one month birthday just passed, and it was full of tears, screams and all around chaos. I will never judge a new mom EVER again. I will not think that I could do a better job, that they complain too much or that they are being too protective of their little one. This past month I have been schooled. Schooled by a little person who can frustrate me to no end and in an instant make me melt with her smile.

I will admit, while preggos, I was looking forward to dressing up my little girl in little outfits, going to play dates, cleaning the house while she slept peacefully in her crib....HA! Silly me didn't realize you have to get through the newborn stage to get to that stuff. The first 3 months are like an initiation or something to make sure you are worthy...I'm working on it.

You've heard people say, babies should come with instructions, OMG should they ever. I think the most difficult thing I have experienced has been putting her to sleep. She hates to be swaddled, but can't sleep without it...do you see my dilemma? Let's just say the tears and freak outs occur around here maybe ever 3-4 hours (If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE comment below) My happiest moment however has been having her fall asleep on my chest after a nice long feeding. There is no greater joy then to look down and see your little one sleeping quietly on you.

They say it all gets better at 3 months, but that seems like a long ways away, and I don't want time to pass to fast because I want to enjoy these months. Here are a few things I've learned so far this month...

1. Diaper change does not necessarily mean only one diaper will be changed; when the new one goes on, the baby will likely poop as you close the tabs; and one wipe is never enough.

2. Have fast reflexes or you'll get peed on; so always have a clean onesie close by.

3. Because she has finished sucking does not mean the feeding is over. Your boobs are now property of your little one, she can eat when ever and as often as she pleases.

4. Crying is the most heart wrenching sound a mother can hear

5. Baby giggles is the most heart warming sound a mother can hear

6. Mommy guilt is a constant, deal with it.

7. Personal Hygiene in the mornings (showers, brushing your hair) are now a luxury

8. Tears that flow are not only those that belong to your baby

9. Everyone has advise, you can't please everyone.

10. If Breast feeding, doing it in public, even with a cover will sometimes get you looks. Screw them, you're feeding your baby!

I could go on since this whole month has been a learning experience, but I wont. I just hope that baby E will grade me on a curve and realize mommy is doing her best and is learning as she goes.

Not Without Sacrifice.

3 weeks in, 3 boxes of new born size diapers, 1 pack of size one diapers, 3 packs of wet wipes, numerous late night feedings, 1 emotional break-down. Yes, I said it, I broke. Holding a crying, fussy baby I found myself starting to cry. Maybe it was hormones, maybe it was the lack of sleep who knows. After composing myself with a nice little 2 hour nap and DH banishing me out of the house for an hour after he got home from work, I was right as rain again. All day Baby E was crying and wouldn't sleep when I put her down. I'd pick her up, she'd stop. I'd set her down, she'd cry...and so it went on all day, from 7am to 5 pm. I couldn't very well just leave her and let her cry in her crib, so there I was rocking a baby on and off for close to 10 hours, with small breaks to eat, pee and get in a 20 minute cat nap. I guess at that point I thought to myself "What was I doing wrong?"

24 hours later I realized that we as new first time mothers just have to step back sometimes and give in. After talking to other moms I see now that there are a number of factors that lead Baby down this road of excerising her lungs and super clingyness. Not that I was doing anything wrong, just had to listen to the her and not try to control the situation. Baby E is currently going through a growth spurt, which means her eating and sleeping patterens are all over the place, leaving her extra fussy. Also, since she is still only3 weeks old I have to keep in mind Baby E has no sense of time and or habit. Baby E is still in what they call they "4th trimester" where she is still used to the womb and all it's coushy comforts. My job is to make sure she feels that, even if it means making sacrafices. I will admit I have yet to fully come to grips with this adjustment. Maybe because my baby expiriance has not been with a newborn but with babies who were 3 months plus. With them, they already had sleep pattens and less fussiness.

I know there are books out there that tell mom's what to exspect int he first few weeks after birth. People tell you about it but if you are like me you take it with a grain of salt and think you can handle it. But honestly, nothing can prepare you for whats in store unless you actually live through it. Only then will you know that you have to really adjust rather then try to control the situation. But after taking some time away from the situation, I realize that no matter how fussy, how tired, how stressful things may be, once you look at your baby and he/she smiles at you (be it an intentional smile or just muscle movement) that momentary feeling of pure joy makes it all worth it and you would be willing to give up all the sleep in the world to make sure your baby is happy. I mean come on, if the train wrecks on MTV's Teen Mom can raise a healthy child, there is no reason in the world why I can't.

Judge and Jury

It’s been 2 weeks and 5 day since our baby girl came into our lives and these 2 weeks have been a real learning experience. Believe me, I now have no shortage of topics to blog about. From my boobs and milk production to projectile shits, the list is endless. But why bore you with the details of my last 2 weeks. I’m sure you’ve all had your fill of the TMI (Too Much Information) entries so far. So allow me to take a break from the breastfeeding, the diaper debacles and the other small adventures I’ve had that may seem mundane to those without children. I’ll be sure to blog about these things another day.

Now I’ve always been a judger. I judge and that’s just who I am. I never made any apologies about it and still don’t. It’s just who I am. But as a new mom something happened, I was now being judged, or at least felt like I was. Now being judged never really bothered me before, I have never apologized for who I am. But suddenly, I find myself bothered that or worried that my mommy skills may not be up to par.

Is my mother right? Do I hold her too much? And she’ll grow up to be clingy?

Does her pediatrician think I’ve let her nails grow too long and she may scratch herself?

Do other moms think I’m dressing her in too little/ or too many layers? Will se be too hot or too cold? Or do they just think I have no idea what I'm doing (they may be right on that one)

These are things that have been going through my head. I know it’s natural for a first time mother to question every little thing. I mean nobody wants to think they are doing a bad job or makes their baby uncomfortable. I know this is going to be a learning process and there is one heck of a learning curve. I just have to remember that women, seemingly less fit then myself, have raised children and have been successful. So how bad could I be at it? I just have to remind myself that people may not necessarily be judging me. If I’m holding a crying baby that wont calm down, they may be even actually pitying me.

Special Delivery....Birth Part 2

May contain too much information...reader's be advised :)

So Everleigh's birth wasn't really anything out of the ordinary, I mean women get induced all the time. I however, had a little harder of a time. I know women have had it worse but for my first experience with child birth it was a bit scary. After the delivery of a baby a woman still has to deliver the placenta. In my case, my uterus did not contract to deliver mine. So my Doctor had to pump something into my IV to help it along. When she did this and finally delivered my placenta 15 minutes later she noticed I was bleeding....a lot; and she had no idea when it was coming from. Since I had had an Epidural I really wasn't feeling much, I could just heat what was going on. All I heard was "I can't find the bleeding" and a whole bunch of nurses came in and they started injecting me with things. Then I heard them say they had to keep an emergency operating room available.

I knew it was bad when they advised DH to leave the room with the baby. Honestly, I don't know what happened. All I know is I was bleeding and eventually they stopped it. The last thing I remember was them telling me to stay awake; I guess I didn't because I woke up throwing up and four nurses were helping me to a wheel chair. For the first 12 hours after birth I was really weak and out of it. Seems I lost so much blood I almost needed a transfusion; but in the end they controlled it and I was OK.

No matter how weak I wanted to bond with Everleigh so I kept her on my chest and tried to feed her as I could. After a while I was able to carry on with the help of DH. This being my first experience with child birth, I will admit it scares me to do it again, but I will do it again it given the opportunity. I used to not understand when women said "it's all worth it in the end" I used to think, after all that pain why would you do it more then once? Now I know. It really is worth it when you see and hold your child and you know that they know you are their mother... Let's see if I feel the same way when Everleigh is entering her terrible twos.

Special Delivery....Birth- Part 1

So some of you may have noticed I'm been MIA for a week and a bit. Some of you may have figured it out, I've been busy, busy having a baby. Baby girl Everleigh was born June 9th, 2011 at 6:43am weighing in at 7 lbs 8 oz. I'm happy to say she is going well and perfect in every way. It's taken me a few days to get my bearings in, with recovery (I've had a doesy), doctors appointments and just adjusting to having a little one around. So where do I start? As always, I have so much to say, where do I begin.

Okay, lets start with the birth. Here is where I will insert a Too Much Information disclaimer, if you don't wanna know about it then please close the page.

My due date was June 20th but as you all know with the Gestational Diabetes there was a chance I would be induced early. So yes, that's what happened. On June 7th I went to the OB office and she said that growth of the baby had slowed down since the last ultrasound, which meant that my placenta was no longer working as it should. Common with GD mothers, as the placenta only has a certain lifespan. "We are gonna induce you tomorrow." said my OB in her harsh Eastern European accent. I'm sure my eyes almost bugged out of my head. Tomorrow?! that was so soon. OMG this was really gonna happen.

I was excited but as you can imagine terrified at the same time. I spent the day tying up loose ends, making sure my freezer was stocked with food and things we were running low on were bought. The next day DH and I went to the hospital to start our induction process. It wasn't really what I had expected. We arrived and the doctor put in Prostglandin Gel, which is commonly used to soften the cervix to prepare for birth, and she sent us home and told me to come back in 7 hours unless my water broke or I went into active labor. That was it? really? So we when home and waited. 7 hours later we went back to the hospital and it looked like I was ready to have my water broken by the doctor. The doctor came in and put on her gloves to start. Well, guess Everleigh wanted to do things on her own terms. The Doctor wheeled her chair over to break my water and with what felt like a big kick or pop my water broke on it's own. After that I started to get contractions and the wheels were in motion.

IV was eventually put in and the pain started....I always thought I had a high pain threshold, oh how i was mistaken. I was only dilated at 3-4 cm and I had had enough. I was no hero and this was no time for me to be Super Woman. All I can say is whom ever created Epideral is a God-sent. If your partner ever insists you should give birth drug free and you want the drug I say get the drug, I cannot imagine what labor would have been like without it. As the Epidural was administered my nurse held me up and made DH sit behind her. I feel sorry for the poor woman. I had a contraction in the middle of it and I swear I almost broke her neck. She had to adjust to brace herself as I squeezed my arms around her.

After the drugs I was good, I could talk and I felt enough to know when a contraction was coming and just felt enough pain to know things were happening, even if I did need a epistiotomy, I probably wouldn't have felt it anyways. Besides, by now it was 3-4am so I needed to rest....pushing was coming soon and I needed my energy. Last time I eat was 8 hours before, and I was running on limited sleep.

6am, it was time. I knew I had to push like a mo-fo. If not I would exhaust myself and that would mean a possibly for c-section, something I did NOT want. So push I did, 30 min to 45 minutes later, we had a baby. Not a turkey, but a healthy, pink, crying baby.

Little did I know what was about to take place....warning, more Too Much Information to come.

The Calm Before The Storm

I would just like to say I have been loving my time off. After 11 years for working with the same company I have finally had an opportunity to take extended time off. You see I had to take my 4 weeks holidays before my Maternity leave started, in Canada we get 12 months off; I am now in my 3rd week of vacation time. I will say that my home has never been cleaner, I have never been less stressed out and never been more well rested, I even get to have lunch with my husband 3 times a week. All of this however, is just the epic build up to have everything turned up side down. In a few weeks (who knows, maybe days) I will be sleep deprived, stressed out, anxious and my home will be in ruins and DH will be lucky if he has a sandwich waiting for him when he comes home for lunch. Once Baby comes all of this will turn to chaos, I know it. That is until I find my groove again.

Funny thing is, I don't mind if Baby comes into the world a bit earlier then excepted. Next week I will be 38 weeks and that would be an optimal time for me I think. Reason being is my doctor thinks my baby is really big right now and delivering before my due date would be best for me and the baby...me more. This may come as no surprise to those who know me but everything is done. Nursery set up...check. Baby's sleeping area in our bedroom...check. Stocked up on diapers, wipes, butt cream, bath stuff....check. Hospital bag in the car and waiting along with the car seat...check. All in all our happy household is ready for the arrival of Baby, well as ready as it's gonna be. I know that DH is super excited and wants Baby here sooner rather then later. So that's what I'm sticking to anytime next week or the week after is perfect for me (maybe I'll be eating my words). I'm already experiencing some of the "pre-labor" symptoms so we'll see where it leads to,but really who can ever predict when their baby will arrive, thats best left up to Mother Nature that and/ or the hospital.

Saving and Splurging with Baby

Public Service Announcement: Having a baby is expensive. That is all.

I actually think having a baby is like planning a wedding. Once you say it's for a baby, the price jumps. Just like when you say it's for a wedding. Why? because they know you'll spend the money. I mean this is for your unborn child right? why wouldn't you?

I can't imagine how parents who earn a lower income do it. Obviously you'd cut on some things but how about major things you need? Diapers $30/box on sale, Baby monitors $50.00 (low end), Crib $100.00 (low end), Car seat and stroller $300+ the list and price points go on and on. All these things accumulate and the next thing you know you've spent thousands of dollars all before your baby has been born. I was at home organizing Baby's room and I took stock of all the stuff we've gotten and accumulated. Given, I was very spoiled my my friends who were very generous at my baby showers and I got a lot of hand me downs from my sister and her two boys; however, there are lots of things DH and I got on our own; and all this before Baby is even born. So I figured I'd list a few important things to-be moms should consider (in my opinion) spending the denaro on and some things you can cheap out on and maybe the financial hit would hurt so much. Now, remember this is just my opinion; I may just be a paranoid first time mom; I have no science to back this up :)

Splurge:

Breast pump

Reason: You only have one set of boobs and you should do what you can to keep them happy. Breast feeding can be difficult for some, so why add to it with a cheapo pump that doesn't make things easier.

Update your Will

Reason: What happens if you and your partner die. Not a cool thing to think about but something to think about non the less. Who is gonna take care of your baby?

Blood Cord Banking

Reason: There may be family medical issues you may not know about and the advancement of technology is happening so fast that if I can help my child if he/she ever needed medical help for illnesses like certain cancers, I think the yearly banking fee is a small price to pay.

Lotions and creams

Reason: I think there are so many chemicals out there now a days that natural or organic is best. Last thing I want to know is that the cream I used for baby had side effect that was realized years down the road.

Car seat

Reason: Keep your baby safe. Need I say more? A good car seat can protect your baby, isn't that reason enough?

Steals

Clothing

Reason: Baby doesn't care what he/she is wearing. This is purely for the entertainment of the parents. I say have 1-2 nice outfits when Baby has a public appearance and the rest of the time who cares, hand me downs and used clothing from thrift stores do the job. Plus, people love giving clothing as presents so you may not even have a shortage by the time Baby arrives.

Change Table and other furniture.

Reason: After the baby has grown out of the crib (if not convertible) what will you do with it?

And isn't a change table just a dresser with a pad on the top? so Why not use a dresser with a change pad on the top? DH bought me baby furniture as a Christmas gift; he finished the whole nursery as a surprise for me, He bought a change table as-is from a furniture store, a glider off a used website, book shelf from Ikea and we had a hand me down crib from my sister. It all matches and honestly I think we saved a ton of money.

Strollers

Reason: why do you need a $700.00 stroller? why? Honestly, I think function over fashion here. I know some people what the cool sleek looking strollers (DH being one of them) but really? $700.00 for something you baby will grow out of in a few years? Look, I'm not saying get the cheapest one you can find. DH and I spent a whole day looking for a stroller that was right for us, all I'm saying is fashion is not everything. We opted for one that folds and unfolds with one hand, is light enough for me to load up into the car, has no obstructions for Baby and has lots of storage. It may not be the coolest looking, nor is it the most expensive. It's a middle range stroller that will hopefully meet all our needs

There are so many other things for to-be parents to buy but really, if I went through it all this entry would go on forever, and nobody wants to hear my opinions that badly. My main point is this, Baby doesn't care if it's dressed in the latest baby fashions, if it has a pimp stroller or if he/she has a awesome bedroom. He/she cares about having parents that love it and will give them the attention they need and help them grow. All the other stiff is just to make the parents seem cooler in the eyes of everyone else; Keeping up with the Jone's baby style you might say. So if you need to save money, go used or skip the stuff you don't need ans spend on the things you deem as important. Generations have gone without super sophisticated toys or fancy all-terrain strollers and we humans have still turned out alright. I say just figure out whats important to you and go from there. After all, it's your money, spend it as you see fit. I'm just too cheap to pay $40 for a summer dress or a t-shirt for myself , let alone a baby.

Feed Me!

Food has always been my weakness. I love food and I've had to limit myself in what I eat, Gestational Diabetes and all, but recently I've learned that effects my blood sugar and what doesn't, and not a minute too late. I've been having cravings like nobody's business. Maybe it's because I'm off work now and have more time to think about food; or maybe it's the fact that I've been so good with diet throughout this pregnancy. All I know is, I can't get enough of Lay's Kettle Cooked Ketchup chips, strawberries, Korean Bulgogi and Persian Macaroons (lemon or pistachio please).

As I approach D day (due date) I have to wonder if I can keep this healthy eating up? I mean, I have been doing it for the past 6-7 months; and it would be in the best interest for myself and Baby. They say that your baby can taste a bit of the food you've been eating from the amniotic fluid. So if you eat a lot of apples while incubating, you baby will be more likely to like apples later in life. Which has me thinking; will Baby be more partial to veggies? Wouldn't that be something, a kid who you don't have to trick them into eating their veggies? We'll see how that pans out. But if this theory is true, then Baby will like fruits and veggies, spicy food and ketchup chips...Oh, and macaroons; but I think I'll keep those little jewels to myself :)

The Home Stretch

So here I am starting my 35th week. Man, has this ever flown by fast. The other day we installed our rear-facing car seat and reality has really set in that in 3 weeks my body will squeeze out another human being. Seems like only yesterday I peed on a stick and watched 2 little lines appear. I will say this, even though I may complain about some of the discomforts of pregnancy (morning sickness, streatch marks, dumb ass people), I've had it relatively good and all in all have really enjoyed it. To be honest I may even miss being pregnant once Baby is here; I'm sure especially when I'm getting up for nightly feedings and changing dirty diapers. But since I'm up in the middle of the night now a days anyways, I'm guessing it may not be such a big adjustment.

Right now I'm feeling more anxious then I am fear. OK, fear is still there but anxious has added itself to the mix; Maybe it's because three women I know who were due in June have already had their babies, one as much as 6 weeks early. It's really hit home that this could potentially happen at any time. Hopefully Baby will wanna stay put for another 3 weeks or so.

Anyhow, as days pass by it's starting to really sink in. DH and I are having a baby! OMG! my life is about to change forever. I know I know, you're thinking "of course you are how are you just realizing this now?" but to be honest the reality of it all is starting to hit me. I'm off work now and I've been tying up loose ends before Baby's arrival and as my to do list gets shorter I realize I get closer and closer to my delivery date. I know I'll flop back and forth and sometimes thinking I have all the time in the world till one day in the not so near future I'll be on my way to the hospital. Does it make sense that I'm looking forward to that day but also dreading it at the same time?

Keep It To Yourself

OK, so here it is....I'm just gonna come right out and ask. Why do strangers feel the need to come and touch my belly? or unload their stories of child bearing on you? or better yet, tell you what you're having ? OK, not all total stangers, but people I am by no means close to. People like co-workers and clients, ok, and the ramdom slaes girl at the mall. When people see that you are preggo does that give people the green light to invade your personal space and impose thier "knowledge" of pregnancy on you?

Now, I really don't mind when my friends ask to touch my belly when the baby moves, I'm happy that they are happy for me and want to share in my joy or tells me about their expiriances of child birth, since they have had childerne within the last 3-5 years or so. Plus, they are my friends, I actually like them and respect their thoughts and opinions. It's poeple who were last pregnent 30 some-odd years ago or never at all who annoy me. Medical practices have come a long way thank you, and when they give me a shocked look when they find out I've cut out caffeine from my diet or opt not to wear a moo-moo when I'm at home accompanied with the comment "when I was pregnant this is what we did" That irritates me most of all; considering the fact that last time she gave birth was almost 30 years ago.

Take for example the other day, I was at the office going about my business when a co-worker came up to me and started baby talking to my belly. I looked at her like she had 2 heads, "Um...what are you doing?" I had asked. "You know he can hear you when you talk to it" she said; I thought to myself....I know the baby can hear me when I talk to it, but why is my baby hearing you talk to it? and how wonderful of you to automatically assign it a gender without me telling you. You see, I like to separate my work life with my private life as much as possible, so I didn't tell anyone I work with what the gender is or what the name will be. These people don't even make it on my Christmas card list so why would I share this information with them. But back to my point. Completely out of nowhere she gets into my personal space and starts to baby talk to my belly saying what a cute little baby boy my baby is and all that. I'm not talking from a distance. I mean face to belly people!

I have also had clients come into my office and give me thier "thoughts" on my pregnancy. Comments like "I think it's a boy because your belly is low" hmmm....ever think it's because I'm 35 weeks pregnent and ready to give birth in less then a month? Of course not. My favorite reason for why I'm having a boy is because I haven't gained a lot of weight....WTF?! The fact that I've been eating healthier has nothing to do with it I guess. I didn't know there were so many medical experts walking amongst us. The best is when I was shopping with DH and the sales girl asked me when I was due. At the time I said I was 6months along. She gave me this look like "What? really" and then proceeded to ask "are you having twins?" WTF? who says that to someone? What I really wanted to say was "no, I'm just fat and pregnant, whats your excuse?" but I didn't... I just smiled and said no.

Now, I understand this is just people being happy for me, and women (older women) tend share all their opinions with everyone. But really touching me without my consent, judging me for my choices in food and dress, assigning my baby a gender and invading my personal space just rubs me the wrong way at times. Am I being too sensitive and hormonal here or are these people deserving of my signature "WTF" face?

Hi, my name is...

What is in a name?...a lot!

I personally think naming your child is one of the biggest decision facing a soon to be parent. I mean it's for life right?
We was lucky enough to know what we wanted to name our baby. We had these names picked out long before we even conceived, early enough that DH included them in his speech at our wedding, sure there was a bit of going back and forth to make sure it was what we wanted but ultimately we had them picked out early. But it seems we are the lucky few as many parents these days struggle to choose a name for their little bambino. I don't blame them it's no easy decision, there are a lot of factors to consider.

I remember early on in our relationship DH and I had discussed baby names should we ever have children together. His initial picks for girls were totally ridiculous in my mind. Let's just say his picks are commonly found with girls swinging from a pole in a seedy, dark strip club..yeah, no go! So we made a deal; I would come up with names for girls if I would accepted his pick for a boy; which was fine, I could live with his pick for a boy.

Now I've always been a strong believer that people take on certain characteristic dependent on their names. Is it coincidental that almost every Christine I know has similar personality traits? Or that every Joanne I ever known has had smiler temperaments? I think that certain names carry with them certain traits. Say you have hopes for your daughter to be super girlie, sensitive, maybe even docile, you may want a name that represents all that. I wont give my suggestions in case it may start a firestorm of people who have those names who disagree. Which brings me to another point. Keeping your baby name to yourself. Two reasons, so nobody "steals" your baby name and so people can't put their two cents in, after all, despite what I say; it is your decision. But you need to keep this stuff to yourself, all you need is to come up with a name you love and have some a-hole co worker share his or her story of how he or she hates that name because they had a bad experience with a person of the same name. Some people just feel the need to share.

So what if you have negative name association? then what? One jackass could ruin a perfectly good name for you to pick from. Say you absolutely love the name Nicholas, you always wanted to name your son that ever since you were a kid, but then you meet a guy with the same name who was a complete moron and an all around butt head. That person has now ruined that name for you. Every time you call out for your son, you may be reminded of the douche that you knew way back when. Same goes for names of celebrities or quasi-celebrities. Maybe you've always loved the name Clay, but now you associate it with Clay Aiken and you can't stand him....isn't that name now ruined for you? Now given, it could work the opposite way, like if you idealize Marilyn Monroe to the point where you many name your daughter Marilyn, then then in that case, that name association works out well and I hope that you never have a bad experience with someone else of the same name.

Now after looking through some baby names, just for fun, I've also noticed people trying to give their kids names that are spelled in "new" and "alternative" ways. I understand you want your kid to stand out , but if that's the case then pick a different name. If you want to name your kid Jackson or Jennifer, then spell it Jackson and Jennifer, why spell it Jaxson or Jenipher? All you've done is set up your child for a lifetime of correcting people on the spelling of their name, especially if it's a common name. If you want a original name then pick an original name. Pull a Gweneth and name the kid Apple or a Gwen and name the kid Zuma. If you want original then commit to original.

So that's where I stand on names. It's not as easy as one may think, I mean this is the name your child will be known ans associated with for the rest of their lives, unless of course they change it because they hated it so much, but at the same time, why try to complicate things by changing the spelling? If you dream of being avaunt guard and different then pick a name that reflects that. just remember kids can be cruel and adults, well we know they can be cruel, opinionated and just all around judgy. So many factors to consider when naming your offspring. That's why I'm trying to keep ours to ourselves and honestly if anyone gives me any slack for the names well, they can come talk to me directly and I'll give them a piece of my mind....naturally.

Fear Factor

I hit my 32 week mark yesterday, and I will say this….”HOLY SHIT!” I cannot believe I have 8 weeks to go before my due date. These past 7 months have flown by and I have really loved being pregnant. Aside from the blood sugar tests and the aches and pains I’ve relished this experience and really hope I can do it again in the future. Mind you I have yet to actually give birth with will may have me crying foul and make me swear I’d never do it again. But for now, I am loving it. Until the reality sets in and the true magnitude of what will happen in the coming weeks hits me. DH and I are having a baby! OMG! A little person will be coming out of my body and our whole lives are about to change. We’ll be swimming in uncharted waters with a million questions and no doubt a few minor breakdowns on my part.

I am at a point where I have flash thoughts of fear. So many questions run through my mind:

I have to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a plum?

I’ve never been a pansy when it cames to pain, I’ve usually pushed through and dealt with it. But the thought of pushing a human being out of my body freaks me out just a bit (by a bit I mean a lot) Especially if it’s a big baby. The thought of an Episiotomy makes me shutter in fear.

Who do I trust my baby to?

This just may be my over protective nature, but it makes me wonder who I can trust my baby to. Now I know that for the first 6 weeks or so I’ll be there to feed the baby to ensure breast feeding develops well, but what about after?


Will I loose who I am?
I know my life will never be the same again, but what about the person I was before I had a baby. Will she still be here or will she be replaced by “one of those” women. Hopefully, it will be a good mix of the two.

Am I being too protective?

I’m a strong believer that being too protective really messes up a child. They learn to be afraid of things and don’t learn to develop a voice to have their opinions heard. Something I am known for…LOL. So where do you draw the line? When coddling becomes counter productive?


What if I do something wrong?

Now this is a loaded gun. So many things a new mother can do wrong. I know its going to be a learning process but I can’t help wondering, what if….
What if I bath the baby wrong and it results in something bad happening?
What if I don’t put enough layers on the baby and it gets sick?
What if I don’t produce enough milk for the baby will it grow properly?
What if
What if
What if…

and the biggest fear of all....
What if I'm no good at this parenting thing?

One of "THOSE" Women

We all know about the physical changes that happen to a woman when she is going to have a baby, I mean I've bitched about it enough here already; but what about the mental changes; changes in perspective? Look, I'm not an idiot, I knew there would be a change in the way I think and how I view things but I am surprised of just how much change there has been. I now get excited over things I once found ridiculous like a Diaper Genie? I am so happy when I see a sale on diapers or anything else baby related...Do I need a baby beanie with little bear ears?...Hmmm...Yes, I think I do. There are however some things I still find ridiculous, like a baby wipe warmer so that a cold wipe doesn't touch your baby's ass...really? Now a days I'd much rather stay home, decorate, organize and clean rather then go out to a nice fancy chef tasting dinner (but maybe it's because I can't eat many of the things that may be served) But most shocking of all...I rather buy baby stuff rather then a new pair of shoes!! Has hell frozen over?

Now this may just be the excitement of having a baby and this way of thinking will change once born but I can't help but think it may not. Now you hear parents tell you the change is permanent. I mean after all you are responsible for this new little person now, you and your partner in a way become secondary. I understand this but does this mean you loose who you are or do you just become a different people? I've found I'm more empathetic to people and children (while also still judgy with others) and I am much more patient. Yes, I feel like there just isn't enough time in the day, but at the same time I feel I can do things at my own pace and that's OK. Don't rush a woman in her 3rd trimester people, the result could get ugly.

I've found myself easily enthralled researching things that would have seemed foreign to me just a mere 2 years ago. Things like Steam Cell and Blood Cord Collection, RESPs and Juvenile Life Insurance. As well as everyday things like the best stroller, car seat, high chair even diaper bag. Things that used to bring me such joy like finding a great deal on a purse or mid-range designer shoes has now been replaced with giddiness over finding a 40% off sale on sleepers and rompers, or even better finding a promotion for a discounted baby sling. My messy kitchen now drives me nuts and I find the need to have things tidy almost all the time, though I have been unsuccessful maintaining this so far. now, you may say this is just the nesting phase of the pregnancy. who knows, maybe. but if it keeps up DH will be one happy camper with a clean organized house to come home to every night.

Now, I have always wanted to have children, and never debated weather or not to have a family of my own; but I always said "I'm not going to be one of those woman". Come on, we've all done it; the ones who eat, breath and sleep baby. But now that I'm stepping into a pair of different shoes I realize there is no use fighting it, it's natural, becoming "one of those women" doesn't have to be a bad thing, it just makes me a different person then I was pre-baby, not different to be unrecognizable, just different with seeing the world through another prospective. I think it only becomes an issue when everything I do becomes baby centric to the point where I loose who I am. When I can't carry on a conversation with my non-mommy friends without bringing up baby this and baby that, when all my interests are out the window and replaced with baby only things. Not only do I think that's unhealthy I think it's kind of messed up. After all mommy is still an adult, with adult wants, interests and likes. So with that I say I'm going to embrace these changes and natural instincts, there is no need to fight nature after all, let's hope I don't get viewed as "one of those women."

Things You Can't Learn From a Book (This may get graphic)

A few nights ago I headed back home to Toronto to see my girlfriends. They were throwing me a baby shower and it was so good to catch up. It's amazing how in just a few years many of us have become wives and mothers. It seems like just yesterday we were all hanging out on out high school spare at the local Chinese restaurant buying illegal Marlboro and complaining about calculus. My oh my how have times changed. Instead, now our conversations turned to child birth and child rearing (after all this was a baby shower) and all the ugly, not so lovely things people don't usually like to talk about when discussing the miracle of pregnancy and child birth. Obviously, I'm gonna talk about some of these things here. These are just some things I found interesting (yet scary). Things baby books just don't tell you, but maybe they should.

1. You should line your bed in case your water breaks while you sleep.

I always thought that when your water breaks you already felt contractions, I didn't know this was not always the case. Plus, I figured most first time pregnancies were usually late and often had to be induced. Imagine my shock to know that 2 of the 4 mothers at my shower were early AND their water broke while sleeping.

I also didn't know that if your water does break while in bed your mattress is toast, you can't get that stuff out. So mental note so you can save yourself a new mattress line the thing with some sort of plastic (shower liner) under your sheet; and a towel wouldn't hurt either.

2. You will grow more body hair in places that have a lot of friction.

During these 3 trimesters I wont lie, I've gotten hairier. Now I learn that it;s not over? Places like your belly are gonna get worse? How fantastic! (insert sarcasm)

3. Breast milk does not just come out of the nipple.

Apparently breast milk will come out of the Areola (area around the nipple) as well. Thats why it's important for baby to latch on properly. My friend says "when you pump it's like a sprinkler of milk" (wow, thats graphic and freaky) Oh, did I mention that blocked milk ducts can be super painful too? the beauty of becoming a human cow.

4. You may very well poop on your baby.

Thats right people, I went there. There is a chance you may poo on your baby. Your pushing him/her out and as you do that you may push out something else too. Welcome to the world baby!

5. Depends are not just for old people with weak bladders.

While recovering in the hospital use Depends to help with bleeding more so then a regular pad. It's cleaner will be much more comfortable. Yes, I stood in line with my pack of Depends already; so weird and embarrassing at the same time.

6. Olive oil, not just for salads.

Apparently, midwives commonly use olive oil to massage the perineum, this may help prevent tearing and the need for a Episiotomy. I say if you have a midwife willing to help you out and save you the pain of tearing or being cut, do it! Not sure if the hospital would do that for me.

At the end of the night I left my shower feeling better educated then I did walking in. These were words of wisdom from solders who experienced things first hand, they had children and experienced on their side, who was I to argue. I just took the info as gospel and filed it away in my mommy to be brain bank.

I was happy to see old friends and family and happy to have so many people support me in this new adventure, I felt like people were there to help me as much as they could. I did however feel sorry for another friend of mine, who after hearing all these things about pregnancy, is now convinced she wants to adopt rather then go through all olive oil rubbing, Depends wearing, body hair growing baby pooing pains of child birth. We'll see.

Beware: Hormonal Pregnant Woman...Proceed with Caution

I will say this, throughout this pregnancy I've had it pretty good (Knock on wood that doesn't change). I haven't experienced a lot of swelling, I don't have a lot of body pain, aside from my hips; which by the way makes me feel like I'm 80 years old, and I haven't had very many crazy cravings leading me to eat like crazy. In fact veggies and fruit is what I crave most. But one thing I have noticed is that I'm more easily agitated then normal; if you can believe that to even be possible. Now, many of you who know me personally know this, I am no bed of roses at times and I have a tendency to be brash, outspoken and just plain tough to take at times (we all have to embrace our faults people, and I've embraced mine). However, I have noticed that lately, my tolerance for some things stands next to nil. Maybe it's a maternal protective instinct, or just hormones but there is no doubt that I seem to be ready to throw down at a moments notice or give my signature look of discontent when something irritates me.

For example when people don't allow you to cross when it is clearly a pedestrian crossing in a parking lot. If you did this to me before I had become a human incubator I would have let it slide or at worse given you a nasty look. Now, I have no issues with flipping you the "have a nice day finger" or calling you out as the jackass you seem to be. In my mind, if you can't wait the extra 5 seconds for this preggo woman to waddle across the crosswalk, you're a jackass. Now, I can see how in situations like these it may be nothing more then a protective maternal instinct being protective of the growing human being inside of me, I mean you did just almost plow me over with your car, but I've noticed my tolerance for stupidity has also plunged to an all time low. Usually I had some sort of tolerance fro this behavior, but now a days it's next to zero. People making stupid comments, inaccurate information trying to pass as fact and just general douche bag behavior now causes me to roll my eyes and I have to bite my tongue (or I'll get fired or some sort of altercation would ensue). I guess I have to just chalk this up to being hormonal,after all I am supposed to me more moody now a days right? But then again I could also chalk it up to being exposed to an increased number of stupid people and jackass'...I think I choose possibility #2, it seems more of a realistic possibility. ;)