Sleep Baby Sleep

Since about 4 months Baby E has become a decent sleeper. This is when we taught her to fall asleep on her own. No more rocking for an hour and walking around like a zombie. It was much easier this time around since her skill to self soothe herself was much stronger. Now, when we see she is tired we bring her up to her room, read her a story, pit her down when she yawns and close the door. Sometimes, she will whine or fuss but nothing really more then 10 min. Usually she just pops her thumb in her mouth and goes down without a fight.

Only now do I realize that Baby E is actually a pretty good sleeper...she would go to bed at 6:30pm wake at around 1am and go to 6am (sometimes there is a 4am feeding too). Until, recently. So when the change to daylights savings time came it was a bit rough, she would go down at 5am and wake at around 4am (how fun for me) but as time progressed she found her old schedule again...that is until about a week ago.

Baby E hit 5 months old and something changed. She would wake up 1hr after I put her down for bed and stay up till 9 sometimes 10pm! At first I thought it was because DH was away for work and she somehow felt he was gone, but DH has since come home and still wake ups after her bedtime put down.

I know I can't fight it and I can't force her to sleep (crying it out does not work when she is not tired) so I just have to pick her up and wait till she gets tired again. But I'm wondering what is going on? She isn't fussing so I don't think she is teething, she is starting to learn to roll but not sure if that will make her wake But more importantly, I want her to get enough rest. She will wake up around 7:30/8 am now and in my opinion 9-10 hours with a feeding in the middle is not enough sleep for a 5 month old. Let's hope she finds her way again and soon. If she continues to get up after bedtime, DH and I can kiss date nights out the window.

Baby's Got a Cold

I think one of the things I fear the most, aside from Baby E refusing to sleep ( which has gotten much better, but I don't wanna jinx it) is if and when Baby E is sick. The first time was a bit scary for me, it was about a month and a half ago and she had a bit of a cough. I didn't think anything of it because she had recently discovered her cough and would sometimes just cough and giggle , like she was playing. Then at night she threw up...I thought she ate too much. Then she did it again, and again and again. In total 6 up chucks in 3 hours. She had no fever but would cough and shove her hand down there throat and up it all came. That was not a fun night to say the least. DH had to make a 2am run to the drug store to get electrolytes (he came back with 3 huge bottles in different flavors for some reason).

I didn't mind staying up with her, rocking her and holding her; If I had to do it all night I would have gladly done so. It's the not knowing what to do or whats wrong that kills me. I mean it's not like she can say " Hay mom, my throat hurts" or "I need a Tylonol". Really, we're just guessing whats wrong. I bring this up because Baby E seems to have a cough again, and I'm so scared that it will get worse. I know kids get sick, the will build up their immune system and the fact that I breast feed helps a lot but none the less, it still worries me every time.

This makes me think, am I dressing her warm enough (it's starting to get chilly out here in Canada)? did she pick it up from a play group? am I keeping the house clean enough? all these things that make me wonder how I can protect her from these nasty germs. I know it's impossible and I can't put her in a bubble, but I guess this is just the Mama Bear in me coming out.

Mama Bear

I've realized one of the possible reasons Baby E needs us to rock her to sleep night after night. Mommy needs to rock her to sleep night after night. Dispite the number it's doing on my back, no matter how much sleep I loose and my mounting frustration of her lack of sleep at the end of the day I will admit, I am to blame for Baby E's dependnce on me and DH. Before Baby E was a reality, I had always said I would not be a super protective mother. I wouldn't coddle, I would let them explore and let her be independent. HA! yeah right!. I will say now that I think I am one of the most protective mothers I know. I hate to hear her cry or see her upset and if I had to I would hold her all night and forgo my sanity to make her happy. Now, some of my non-mommy friends may scoff and shake their heads, heck, some of my mommy friends may do the same but I make no apologies.

I think that it's natural for a first time mom to be protective, maybe not as excessive as I am, but hey, if I do something I don't go half ass. I mean you are suddenly responsible for this whole other person. They depend on you for EVERYTHING. You are in charge of keeping them happy, clean, healthy and most of all safe. If they cry you naturally want to comfort them, if they are dirty you naturally want to clean them and if they are happy, you naturally want to keep that smile on their face for as long as possible. Some people may say being too protective is spoiling your child. I tend to disagree. Sure, Baby E may be fine in a loud arena while DH and I take in a Hockey game. She will also be fine putting that toy in her mouth after X amount of kids had played with it before her, but I don't think I will let it happen if I can help it. I say being protective is doing what is natural. Giving all the love that I have, all the attention that I can and all the time I can doesn't mean I'm spoiling my baby. Giving my baby new things every week and giving into tantrums in the Wal-Mart toy section is spoiling them. What I am doing is trying to be a good mom, when the day comes when I don't feel the need to protect my child (be it from germs, excessive noise or other people), that is the day I should rethink being a mom.

My Hairy Situation

So here's something I can add to the "$hit they don't tell you about pregnancy" list. Hair loss!

Sure, when you are preggo your hair is nice, smooth, shiny and healthy; but after it. all. falls. out!

No joke after I wash my hair I look down and there is a Wookie sitting on top of my drain! It really is gross. I will run my hand threw my hair and a chunk of hair will be entangled between my fingers. I sweep and Biselle all the time since there is more of my hair on the floor then there is cat hair. It gets everywhere, even on Baby E.

So I have decided to do it. I am gonna get a mommy hair cut. No, this is not a day where mommy will take time for herself and get a nice day at the salon. I'm talking about chopping it all off, short! (insert panic attack) don't get me wrong, I've had short hair before. Mostly bobs and shoulder length, but what I'm talking about here goes a bit shorter. Ever since High school the shortest my hair has ever been was just below my ears. Right now it's to the middle of my back. I need something that Baby E can't grab onto and pull, something that wont cause my drain to plug up and most importantly, something that is easy to maintain and takes little to no time to style, buzz cut anyone? (joke)

So now I have to find a style that will suit me. Not an easy task since super short styles don't often suit big round faces...I've never cried at at hair cut before, but this time I just may

Nightly Sleep Dance

Wow, really? has it been THAT long since I've written an entry? It seems so. But believe me there has been no shortage of material. In the past month Baby E has learned to do a lot. The most notable is she has learned to use her voice. We are not talking coos and hums. We are talking about screams and yelling. To be honest it was a really cute in the beginning but became less cute as it started to effect her sleep. The week before, DH and I tried something new, we would rock Baby E till she was drowsy and then placed her in her crib. After a minute or 2 of whimpering she would turn around, pop her thumb in her mouth and off to sleep she went.(we have since been reluctant of sleep training since our experience last month). It was great! naps went from 45 min to 1 1/2 hours, she slept well through the night (still 1 or 2 feedings) and she seems to be a happy, well rested little baby. Then the screaming and yelling happened. It seemed that Baby E was much more interested in listening to her own voice then to sleep (yay, how fun for me). so I'd rock her and bounce her; she would let out a happy yell and scream; I'd continue to rock her and bounce her... eventually this resulted in me rocking and bouncing for 30-45 min (insane I know).

At the end of it all Baby E wouldn't sleep, not for long anyway. She would wake up crying if I put her down and DH and I found ourselves back where we were about a month ago. With a baby who wanted to be held all the time, despite her ability to self soothe herself to sleep on her own. It got to a point where if she did sleep it was only for 1-2 hours, then she would wake up wanting to play and stay up for 3 hours! WTF? all the books I read say babies at her age are only supposed to stay up for 1-2 hours...yeah, right! Tell me that at 1am when I've been bouncing my baby for 45 min! I think one of the most frustrating things for a new mom is when you know your baby is exhausted, you are doing everything you can to help them sleep and they just can't (or wont). But frustration aside, I have to remember that this little person is new and has yet to developed the skills needed to manage day to day, it's just a phase and it will eventually pass (I can type this now because its not 1am and I'm not bouncing and rocking her).

Anyway, with this new discovery, DH and I have had little sleep...but at least my little girl has discovered her voice, and isn't afraid to use it; which may be bad for us when she reaches 4 years old. No quite little girl for us!

Early Sleep Training = Feeling Like a Bad Mother

Please note that the picture here showing a peaceful baby is not the result of my first sleep training experience.

So this past week has been a bit rough. If I never felt like a bad mother before, I did this week. DH and I felt that Baby E was ready to learn how to self soothe herself to sleep. We thought she was ready, she had done it before on occasion. In a way we were right, on the other hand we were VERY wrong. For those of you who are not familiar with the "Cry it out" method of sleep training, what you do is you lay your baby in the crib while semi-awake, semi-sleeping and leave the room. The modified version allows parents to go into the room to reassure baby that they are not abandoned in specific time intervals, each time being longer then the previous. DH and I further modified this but going in every 5-7 minutes. We decided to start with naps and continue on with her bedtime.

Day 1 was good, Baby E actually fell asleep straight away when I put her down after our nap routine ( I sing her a little song till she eyes get heavy) not bad I thought, Baby E was doing great. Day 2 and 3 rolled around and it was a whole new ball game. The first time I put her down she cried on and off for 1 1/2 hours. I couldn't take it anymore. I picked her up and held her tight. With nap 2 and 3 she cried for about 20 minutes and then slept, but only for about 30 minutes. Day 3 was much of the same if not a bit worse.

The main goal here was to get her to soothe herself and get a restful sleep. Let me tell you, she was far from rested. With nap 4 she cried for 30 minutes and she slept for about 2 hours, probably because she was just so tired. As bedtime rolled around we wrapped her up, fed her and started to read her her story. FREAK OUT! she cried and cried. After about 1 hour she slept, not peacefully mind you, waking up 20 minutes later and crying for another 15 minutes. I could hear her whimper through her monitor.

Yesterday was much of the same but at bedtime when the routine started you could see it in her eyes, she was terrified! I couldn't do it to her again, she was so scared to fall asleep even when I rocked her to bed she would wake up with a petrafied look on her face. I had to abandon ship.

Now I have to work to reverse the fear I've instilled in her and get her back to the way it was before. I just want to see a smiling baby again, not a tired scared one. The good thing that came from this is she found a soothing mechanisum, she sucks her hand. Still when I out her to bed tonight she was nervous, she sucked on the hand for her whole story and woke up once. Not crying but whimpering. For those who have yet to experiance a scared child let me tell you how it is. Imagine someone ripped out your heart, placed it in front of you and punched it repeatedly. That's how it feels to listen to your baby cry, that's how it feels when you see fear in your baby's eyes when she looks up at you.

Now I'm not saying the CIO (cry it out) method doesn't work, I'm sure it does. I just don't think Baby E was ready for it. We may revisit it in a few months, but for now, I'll rock her and hold her for as long as she needs. These days it's about 40 minutes. That's my punishment for making my baby cry I guess.

Aunt Flo, The Unwelcome Visitor

**Warning, possible too much information**

Mother Nature has totally jipped me! One of the things I was looking forward while Breast feeding was not having to deal with my period for a few months; No such luck. Turns out by having DH give Baby E a night bottle of expressed milk, so I could go to sleep earlier, I made my body think that Baby E was now sleeping through the night; which she isn't. People told me that Aunt Flo often returns if your body thinks baby is sleeping through the night...I wish these people told me this sooner. So not only am I waking up at 3am and 5 am to feed Baby E, I have this to look forward to every month. What a jip! Oh, did I mention that my milk supply also tanks a few days and during my period, again, something I wish people had told me before.

So here I am, pissed off my milk is low, PMSing, Sleep deprived and trying everything I can to get the milk back up so I can feed my baby. Aunt Flo, you are so unwelcome!