Attack of the Giant Baby

OK so Baby E didn't attack anyone, but she is giant. In her 10th week she weighed 14 lbs 10 oz. and measured in a little above the 97th percentile for her age. Now at 12 weeks she is at 15 Lbs 11 oz. Not sure if it's genetics (I'm a big girl myself) or if it's my super fatty breast milk but this little girl is thriving. It made me wonder, is she too big? Especially when nurses and other people around us say "She's only 10 weeks? wow, she's a big girl", "Are you only Breast feeding her, my baby is 5 months and only weighs 13 Lbs?" No, I'm force feeding my baby bacon you dumbass is what I really want to say to these people. So for a few days this was on my mind. Was I nursing her too much? I was exclusively breast feeding so it wasn't like I was pumping her full of formula and she was eating every 2.5 - 3 hours, wasn't that normal? Now I know I've said before, trust the mommy insticts but you can imagine how it's easier said then done, especially when your pediatrition says "You're only feeding her when shes hungry, right?" Yes, I've come to realize Baby E's pediatrition is somewhat of a *beep*. I was reminded by another mother that breast fed babies only eat when hungry, they don't over eat and spit up when they do. I was fine, Baby E was just a big eater, or so I hope.

Maybe it's just my genetics, after all I am a bigger girl and so is everyone in my family. With the exception of myself we are all for the most part considered pretty tall (5'9-6 feet). That's pretty tall for Asians. Maybe all those years of eating dumplings and noodles resulted in some super sonic fatty breast milk that produces giant babies; who knows. All I know is Baby is seems pretty healthy and happy. The only issue now is she is heavier so has a harder time with tummy time, which she hates my the way. I can't blame her though, to learn to lift all that weight and hold herself up with her pudgy arms can't be easy. But that's the price she will pay for being a big girl, more tummy time. The price I pay? Having to buy more sleepers and diapers as she grows out of them monthly. She is wearing 6-9 months now....ugh.

Blame It On Mom

For the past month and a bit I've been dealing with the fact that I may be messing up my kid, well, that's what books, articles and other random people have been telling me. What ever happened to letting a woman follow her mommy instincts? Sure, I'll probably mess up Baby E somehow (something I'm trying not to do) but we all have our issues, right?

I was reading the book "The Baby Whisperer" and though I took much of what she said to practice (and some has worked and somethings have not) I refuse to force my baby to do something she doesn't want to do. Like stay up for a period of time after eating, if she wants to sleep after she eats so be it. Yes, I understand that she may think it's OK to sleep after each meal when she grows up, but I as a mother feel I need to listen to what she is telling me. Or napping for no more then 3 hours? How do you think I have have found the time to write up this entry? These "suggestions" and opinions just continue to perpetuate the fears of a first time mother, that you are messing up your kid and doing a bad job at mothering thus, causing more stress; as if running on little sleep and being responsible for this new little person isn't stressful enough.

There is an opinion and a "study" for everything. Should you carry your child all the time, some say yes because it makes them feel secure; some say no, because it makes them clingy...so my child can be clingy but self confident or detached/insecure but independent? Hmmm...decisions decisions. How about sleeping. Do I rock her to sleep or do I let her cry it out? If I rock her she will become dependent and have trouble soothing herself later in life. If I let her cry it out she will have trust and abandonment issues? How is a mom supposed to choose?

I say let me go with my gut. Let me listen to my baby and use my own reasoning and mommy instincts. I mean Baby E was in me growing and thriving for 40 weeks aren't we somehow connected? She listened to my heart beat, ate what I ate, found warmth and comfort in me and nurses from me today. I am somewhat intelligent, not crazy and only have her best interest at heart, should that count to something? Shouldn't that at least make me somewhat of a fit mother?

Will I stop reading these books? Hellz no, I may be able but I am still inexperienced and need all the help I can get.. But I'll take what they say with a gain of salt, picking and choosing what I will follow, and agreeing to disagree with the stuff I think is crap. Like I said before, we're all a bit messed up anyways right? None of us are perfect, our parents made us this way.

Got Milk?

So I think every mom-to-be who plans on breastfeeding has one question that comes into their mind over and over again..." will my boobs get the job done?" Having enough milk is something that had crossed my mind more then once and worried me. I know you read that every woman has the ablity to breastfeed, but do they have the abilty to breastfeed effectivly?

In the hospital Baby E was doing well, she took to my boobs early and I was on my way. However, she was losing weight, at the hospital they don't discharge you if they loose over 10% of their birth weight. I hated the idea of supplamenting with formula. I always thought I wanted to keep it natural, if my nature intended it to be that it will be. But this also meant I could bring Baby E home sooner if I did suplament the formula. So it was done. To my releif my milk supply came in the night we brought her home and all was well. She was eating regulalry and gaining weight...all was right in my breast feeding world.

Around 4 weeks I noticed my milk supply was low. Either that of baby E was clearing this all you can eat buffett out (she is a very good eater). Whatever the case I found that I didn't seem to have enough milk for her. Luckly, I had frozen some expressed milk from the first few weeks where I had lots. It's a horrible feeling to one day have ample milk to feed your baby and in a matter of days start to feel like you were running dry. I didn't want to crack open the formula ( I had some just in case) and I didn't want to confuse Baby E with going from breast milk to formula, back to breast milk if and when I did have more milk again. Worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with my tiny eater I started to read up on what we as breast feeding mothers can do to increase our milk supply.

First there is the obvious, the more baby nurses the more your body will make. I found that this was a slow process, especially since feedings sometimes can happen every hour.

Then there is pumping, not as effective as baby but the next best thing. This way you have expressed milk to freeze for emergancy situations....this stuff is like liquid gold, so stock up! It also stimulates the breast telling your body to make more milk; do we feel like a factory yet?

But what I found that helped me the most...as simple as it sounds...rest and food (combined with the above two). Rest is not so easy to come by I know, but I found that when I got a nap in my milk supply was better. When I didn't nap, my supply was low and I Baby E would try to eat all the time since I guess she wan't getting enough at each feeding. I guess because it takes energy for your body to make milk, and at rest there is more engery available. Also feeding yourself allows for more energy. I mean think about it, you burn 200-500 calories a day breastfeeding (average 20 calories/ ounce) so you need to fuel your body because it needs it. I have heard a lot of mothers say, they loose weight really quickly by breastfeeding since these calories are being burned up. Also, if you breast feed your uterus goes back to normal quicker as well, that's what a nurse told me while in the hospital. But please note, I am not a doctor, nor am I a lactation consultant.

I will be honest though, sometimes I think about supplementing with formula (I know, I was the one who hated the idea at first when in the hospital). Breastfeeding is great, it's free and there are so many health benefits. But it can also be frustrating, tiring and emotionally taxing. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to bottle feed formula and be done with it. Then I think of all the breast milk I will waste, I mean some women want to breast feed but physically can't, so I feel like I would be wasting what I have and taking the "easy" way out. We'll see where this goes. Maybe I'll continue to exclusively breastfeed, maybe not...only time will tell.

Lessons Learned

So Baby E's one month birthday just passed, and it was full of tears, screams and all around chaos. I will never judge a new mom EVER again. I will not think that I could do a better job, that they complain too much or that they are being too protective of their little one. This past month I have been schooled. Schooled by a little person who can frustrate me to no end and in an instant make me melt with her smile.

I will admit, while preggos, I was looking forward to dressing up my little girl in little outfits, going to play dates, cleaning the house while she slept peacefully in her crib....HA! Silly me didn't realize you have to get through the newborn stage to get to that stuff. The first 3 months are like an initiation or something to make sure you are worthy...I'm working on it.

You've heard people say, babies should come with instructions, OMG should they ever. I think the most difficult thing I have experienced has been putting her to sleep. She hates to be swaddled, but can't sleep without it...do you see my dilemma? Let's just say the tears and freak outs occur around here maybe ever 3-4 hours (If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE comment below) My happiest moment however has been having her fall asleep on my chest after a nice long feeding. There is no greater joy then to look down and see your little one sleeping quietly on you.

They say it all gets better at 3 months, but that seems like a long ways away, and I don't want time to pass to fast because I want to enjoy these months. Here are a few things I've learned so far this month...

1. Diaper change does not necessarily mean only one diaper will be changed; when the new one goes on, the baby will likely poop as you close the tabs; and one wipe is never enough.

2. Have fast reflexes or you'll get peed on; so always have a clean onesie close by.

3. Because she has finished sucking does not mean the feeding is over. Your boobs are now property of your little one, she can eat when ever and as often as she pleases.

4. Crying is the most heart wrenching sound a mother can hear

5. Baby giggles is the most heart warming sound a mother can hear

6. Mommy guilt is a constant, deal with it.

7. Personal Hygiene in the mornings (showers, brushing your hair) are now a luxury

8. Tears that flow are not only those that belong to your baby

9. Everyone has advise, you can't please everyone.

10. If Breast feeding, doing it in public, even with a cover will sometimes get you looks. Screw them, you're feeding your baby!

I could go on since this whole month has been a learning experience, but I wont. I just hope that baby E will grade me on a curve and realize mommy is doing her best and is learning as she goes.

Not Without Sacrifice.

3 weeks in, 3 boxes of new born size diapers, 1 pack of size one diapers, 3 packs of wet wipes, numerous late night feedings, 1 emotional break-down. Yes, I said it, I broke. Holding a crying, fussy baby I found myself starting to cry. Maybe it was hormones, maybe it was the lack of sleep who knows. After composing myself with a nice little 2 hour nap and DH banishing me out of the house for an hour after he got home from work, I was right as rain again. All day Baby E was crying and wouldn't sleep when I put her down. I'd pick her up, she'd stop. I'd set her down, she'd cry...and so it went on all day, from 7am to 5 pm. I couldn't very well just leave her and let her cry in her crib, so there I was rocking a baby on and off for close to 10 hours, with small breaks to eat, pee and get in a 20 minute cat nap. I guess at that point I thought to myself "What was I doing wrong?"

24 hours later I realized that we as new first time mothers just have to step back sometimes and give in. After talking to other moms I see now that there are a number of factors that lead Baby down this road of excerising her lungs and super clingyness. Not that I was doing anything wrong, just had to listen to the her and not try to control the situation. Baby E is currently going through a growth spurt, which means her eating and sleeping patterens are all over the place, leaving her extra fussy. Also, since she is still only3 weeks old I have to keep in mind Baby E has no sense of time and or habit. Baby E is still in what they call they "4th trimester" where she is still used to the womb and all it's coushy comforts. My job is to make sure she feels that, even if it means making sacrafices. I will admit I have yet to fully come to grips with this adjustment. Maybe because my baby expiriance has not been with a newborn but with babies who were 3 months plus. With them, they already had sleep pattens and less fussiness.

I know there are books out there that tell mom's what to exspect int he first few weeks after birth. People tell you about it but if you are like me you take it with a grain of salt and think you can handle it. But honestly, nothing can prepare you for whats in store unless you actually live through it. Only then will you know that you have to really adjust rather then try to control the situation. But after taking some time away from the situation, I realize that no matter how fussy, how tired, how stressful things may be, once you look at your baby and he/she smiles at you (be it an intentional smile or just muscle movement) that momentary feeling of pure joy makes it all worth it and you would be willing to give up all the sleep in the world to make sure your baby is happy. I mean come on, if the train wrecks on MTV's Teen Mom can raise a healthy child, there is no reason in the world why I can't.

Judge and Jury

It’s been 2 weeks and 5 day since our baby girl came into our lives and these 2 weeks have been a real learning experience. Believe me, I now have no shortage of topics to blog about. From my boobs and milk production to projectile shits, the list is endless. But why bore you with the details of my last 2 weeks. I’m sure you’ve all had your fill of the TMI (Too Much Information) entries so far. So allow me to take a break from the breastfeeding, the diaper debacles and the other small adventures I’ve had that may seem mundane to those without children. I’ll be sure to blog about these things another day.

Now I’ve always been a judger. I judge and that’s just who I am. I never made any apologies about it and still don’t. It’s just who I am. But as a new mom something happened, I was now being judged, or at least felt like I was. Now being judged never really bothered me before, I have never apologized for who I am. But suddenly, I find myself bothered that or worried that my mommy skills may not be up to par.

Is my mother right? Do I hold her too much? And she’ll grow up to be clingy?

Does her pediatrician think I’ve let her nails grow too long and she may scratch herself?

Do other moms think I’m dressing her in too little/ or too many layers? Will se be too hot or too cold? Or do they just think I have no idea what I'm doing (they may be right on that one)

These are things that have been going through my head. I know it’s natural for a first time mother to question every little thing. I mean nobody wants to think they are doing a bad job or makes their baby uncomfortable. I know this is going to be a learning process and there is one heck of a learning curve. I just have to remember that women, seemingly less fit then myself, have raised children and have been successful. So how bad could I be at it? I just have to remind myself that people may not necessarily be judging me. If I’m holding a crying baby that wont calm down, they may be even actually pitying me.

Special Delivery....Birth Part 2

May contain too much information...reader's be advised :)

So Everleigh's birth wasn't really anything out of the ordinary, I mean women get induced all the time. I however, had a little harder of a time. I know women have had it worse but for my first experience with child birth it was a bit scary. After the delivery of a baby a woman still has to deliver the placenta. In my case, my uterus did not contract to deliver mine. So my Doctor had to pump something into my IV to help it along. When she did this and finally delivered my placenta 15 minutes later she noticed I was bleeding....a lot; and she had no idea when it was coming from. Since I had had an Epidural I really wasn't feeling much, I could just heat what was going on. All I heard was "I can't find the bleeding" and a whole bunch of nurses came in and they started injecting me with things. Then I heard them say they had to keep an emergency operating room available.

I knew it was bad when they advised DH to leave the room with the baby. Honestly, I don't know what happened. All I know is I was bleeding and eventually they stopped it. The last thing I remember was them telling me to stay awake; I guess I didn't because I woke up throwing up and four nurses were helping me to a wheel chair. For the first 12 hours after birth I was really weak and out of it. Seems I lost so much blood I almost needed a transfusion; but in the end they controlled it and I was OK.

No matter how weak I wanted to bond with Everleigh so I kept her on my chest and tried to feed her as I could. After a while I was able to carry on with the help of DH. This being my first experience with child birth, I will admit it scares me to do it again, but I will do it again it given the opportunity. I used to not understand when women said "it's all worth it in the end" I used to think, after all that pain why would you do it more then once? Now I know. It really is worth it when you see and hold your child and you know that they know you are their mother... Let's see if I feel the same way when Everleigh is entering her terrible twos.