Boy or Girl?

Early on DH and I agreed, boy or girl we would turn our office into a baby room. Why? well it was a straight bee line from our bedroom and it was really the only room we ever really got around to painting since moving in 4 years ago, yes, we are lazy people. The room was blue with a blue and light blue checkered accent wall. We figured that boy or girl it would be OK. I mean It's not like the baby would mind what colour it's room would be, and wasn't blue known to be a calming colour anyway?

Now, this didn't mean we didn't we didn't want to find out the sex of the baby beforehand. I've never been a fan of surprises and I always felt like it there was a means for me to find out information, well, I was meant to find out the information. The control freak in me usually needs to know all I can about any given situation I'm in. You can imagine how excited both DH and I were when our 20 week ultrasound came up. This is when we get to find out if we were having a boy or a girl! We already had names picked out so we wanted to know. As the tech did her thing she finally got to the point where she asked us if we wanted to know the sex. Of course we did!

wait for it....

wait for it...

we're having a....

...baby!

Looks like our baby is just as stubborn as it's mommy. It just wouldn't move it's legs to show the goods. After 20 minutes of trying to change it's position, no luck; and that was that. It would move it's arms and wave but wouldn't move it's legs. We would just have to wait till our next ultrasound and that was months away. Ugh!

I will admit I was a bit bummed, DH, not so much. He said to me "if you are bummed it means you want it to be one over the other, I don;t care either way". I didn't "care" either, it wasn't like i could change the gender if I wanted to, I just wanted to know if my gut feeling was right, and I wanted to to be able to tell my parents what to expect since they only had grandsons so far. But, the baby had spoken so to speak and no dice. DH was right, ultimately to know that the baby is healthy and developing well is the important thing. Boy or girl it was really no matter, it would just be nice to know.

I will say this though, not knowing has come with its changes and blessings. Challenges because its hard to find nice stuff that is gender neutral. Green and yellow have been difficult colors to shop for and not a lot of the stuff is too cute in my opinion (I know it doesn't really matter, but I'm just saying). I've been opting for browns but it's much harder to find, maybe it reminds expectant parents too much of the mountains of poopey diapers that will be coming their way :) . Blessing, because I have refrained from over shopping on baby outfits and accessories; headbands and tutus for girls and Polo sweaters for boys. Boy or girl the baby will have to settle for what we have. A blue baby room and lots of baby boy hand me downs. That, until we have our last ultrasound that is.

You Are What You Eat

I'm sure I'm not the only first time mother to feel this way, and I'm confident that I wont be the last. Despite all the happiness and wonder that comes with having a baby, there is also an equal, if not greater, amount of fear. Not the fear of child birth (not yet anyways, that will come later) but the fear of messing up and doing something I shouldn't thus potentially hurting this developing baby inside of me. What if I sneeze too hard? Are the hot showers I take too hot? My salad had feta cheese on it and I ate it, will that hurt my baby? A million other what if's run through my head and it's never ending. I mean in the beginning we read what we can about what not to do, but there are always people out there who impose their own theories on you. Family and cultural beliefs that are not based on medical fact but rather cultural folklore, no matter how silly they may seem, they plant this "what if its true" seed in your brain and it can really mess with your head.

"Don't eat watermelon or anything that cools your body temperature" says my dad "it messes with your Che". WHAT? "your Che, balance. You have to keep balance, so don't drink to many cold drinks" he continued. This to me sounded ridiculous, but everything I'm presented with watermelon, guess what I don't eat it...totally messed with my head. I've always been a pretty private person when it comes to people giving me advise, I usually take it with a grain of salt and not really pay too much attention. However, since I'm dealing with uncharted territory here I tend to give a bit more attention when it comes to the stuff people say. But at the same time I know some if it is complete bull$hit; but I can't help to stand on the side of caution.

For example, tea. I'm Chinese and we drink tea...lots and lots of tea, jasmine tea , green tea, orange pekoe, Hong Kong "special" tea. But some teas have caffeine which should be limited when pregnant. When I refused some jasmine tea at dim sum one morning on a visit back home to Toronto my sister said "Really? tell that to all those pregnant Chinese women we see drinking tea with dinner." She made a good point, I mean didn't China have one of the worlds largest populations? Tea hadn't hindered the birth rate of my peoples; was this another bull$hit theory? Yet, I still don't drink tea, any tea.

So here is a list of 10 things I've been steering clear of of far, some may have medical proof to back it up and some are just things people have told me and have messed with my head. I guess some things we'll just never know but better safe then sorry I say.

1. Caffeine (Cola, Coffee, certain teas)

2. Deli meats

3. Unpasteurized dairy (goat cheese, blue cheese)

4. Shellfish (I limit this to once a week in limited amounts)

5. Watermelon, ginseng and other foods that "cool your Che" (thanks dad)

6. Sushi

7. High mercury fish such as swordfish

8. Sugar (possible danger of gestational diabetes)

9. Unwashed fruits and veggies

10. Undercooked meats (I used to like my steak med-rare)

All I know is this, when baby is out, I'm going to for all-you-can eat sushi, drinking lots of green tea and cola with a super sugary dessert, and maybe some watermelon too.

The Real Deal

(Please take note that the above picture is from Google and not my belly)

The strangest thing about the first trimester of pregnancy for me was that sometimes I would "forget" I had something growing inside of me. I mean I couldn't feel it, see it or hear it. The only thing I knew for sure was my body was going haywire, but when I wasn't throwing up, my hair was freshly washed and I was going about my day to day I would literally forget that I was pregnant. It wasn't until my first ultrasound where I actually occurred to me the this baby thing was for real. Looking back, I think this was also a turning point for DH, the day he really realized that he was gonna have a kid in 6 months. I mean he had been enduring my morning nasal symphony and upchuck pyrotechnics for weeks but I don't think it was until he looked up at that TV screen in the ultrasound room did make him realize...oh crap! this is for real.

At what I thought was my 12 week mark we had gone to have an ultrasound. My Doctor had said I could do a IPS (Integrated Prenatal Screening) for potential birth defects, she said it's optional to check for potential Downs Syndrome and other potential issues. I mainly wanted to do it so I could see our baby. I really didn't know what to expect, I mean I had seen ultrasound pictures before but they were always pretty clear; head, hands, tummy, legs everything was already there and you knew it was a baby. So imagine my initial surprise when I saw what looked like a bean with hands and feet up on the screen. I got kind of freaked out to tell you the truth. Eventually angles changed and enlargements were made and our little bean started to look more baby like; a cross between a baby and a bean actually but a tiny human none the less. What was amazing to me was not the shape of the fetus, but the heart beat. This little flicker on the screen that was flickering so frigg'n fast it was hard be believe what it really was. I looked over at DH and he had this huge smile. " That's too cool" at that moment we both knew that this was all for real. I may occasionally had forgotten I was pregnant but as they said in the movie Juno, this was a doodle that couldn't be undone.

There was however a slight miscalculation on my part. Surprise, suprise, I wasn't 12 weeks along as I had originally thought. Seems the little bean was smaller and the tech pegged me at 11 weeks; so I had to go back in 7 days to do the test. Which of course was alright with me, just one more chance to see my insides and have a private screening with DH of our baby to be.

Invasion on the body snatchers

Early into my pregnancy I noticed some changes in my body. You had the standard larger and tender breasts, nausea, bad skin, greasy hair and extreme fatigue. But I also noticed strange little things like a bionic sense of smell (really, I could smell what DH had for lunch when I kissed him as I walked through our front door), and increase in saliva and nasal congestion (so attractive). It turned out my body was no longer my own, I was merely a vessel for breeding, a fact I would learn would prove more true as my pregnancy progressed.

All of the sudden my body was no longer my own. In an instant I had gone from being a active independent woman to a human incubator. I would eat things I wouldn't normally eat, the food I did eat would take longer to pass through since the embryo was getting all it could from everything I was eating (we'll get to that later) , scents that I never minded before suddenly made me want to throw up and my bed time had gone from 11:30Pm on a weeknight to 8:00pm. Now, like many men I'm sure that DH didn't mind that his new wife's boobs had grown but alas, no fun to be had since they would hurt like a MotherF'er and I'm sure my early morning hacking and nose blowing was just the attractive wake up call he had been dreaming of. For me the tipping point where I realized my body was no longer my own was when my regular pants wouldn't fit anymore. I had to graduate to wearing fat pants (aka, yoga pants) most of the time. I was getting too big for my regular jeans, and too small to start with maternity pants. All I could do to accommodate my growing ass, amongst other things, was wear dresses and stretchy pants, but since it was getting colder here in Ottawa yoga pants were my stretchy pants of choice. Due to my limited fashion selection I didn't go out much. Heading out for a casual dinner with friends in yoga pants was still somewhat acceptable but going to a nice place with DH for a chef tasting in stretchy pants; not cool, which was fine with me....more time to sleep. Plus, I would soon learn there was a whole list of foods I should avoid.

Don't get me wrong, I was more then willing to give up my body for 9 months if it meant I would be rewarded with a healthy , happy baby at the end. Even during the misery of throwing up, the pain of new bigger boobs and no longer fitting into my fat pants because my ass was getting bigger and bigger all I could do for weeks was look at myself in the mirror before a getting into the shower and rub my belly and smile. We were having a baby. I was now human incubator and I was OK with it.

Morning Sickness sucks!

One tell tale sign you have a bun in the oven is when you suddenly have the urge to throw up....Lovely. What people don't tell you is that morning sickness is not limited to the morning. It can happen when ever, where ever; morning, evening, ALL DAY LONG! I started being acquainted with the Morning sickness monster around 7-8 weeks in. Now I was lucky enough not to have the morning sickness hang around for very long, it ended for me at the 12 week mark, right around the time I moved into my 2nd trimester, but some poor women have it or much longer, or sometimes I've heard it comes back after a few months...eeek.

Despite my short (and somewhat light) experience with daily upchucking I can tell you it's no walk in the park, especially if you are like me and hate throwing up. The action of puking your brains out is only half the battle, you still deal with this gut-rot feeling lingering all day long. You don't want to throw up....but you feel like you just might and since your senses are heightened, certain smells can put you over the edge. Oh, and the looks and comments you get from people, they're just peachy too. I was blessed enough to have to yak everyday at around 5:00pm; keep in mind, I'm usually still at work at this time. Nothing like running into the work bathroom to upchuck as your co workers hear the faint sound of BLAH...BLAH in the background. And come on, lets face it nobody looks pretty afterwards either, especially when your tired and feeling drained all the time. Funny thing is, when you come back to your desk you get a mixed bag of reactions. Some people keep their head down and pretend they didn't hear you (thank you for minding your own business) and then you have have others that make a stupid comment, or even mimic a vomiting action (those people are assholes).

People tell you little tricks to suppress morning sickness like, stay away from eating too much, don't get too hungry or have some soda crackers and ginger ale but honestly it really depends on the person. I munched on soda crackers, and made sure I was never running on empty and it didn't stop me from running into the bathroom everyday. My advise would be just this; opt5 for a sink when you can. To me getting my head close to where an ass was just makes things even more gross. That, and watch what you eat. Some things are really bad coming back up. Mental note: stay way from bacon cheese burgers and shawarma...trust me.

Sleep is for the weak...and the pregnant

One of the first signs of pregnancy is fatigue. I'm talking I don't want to do anything, going to sleep for 12 hours, too tired to wash my hair, fatigue. I had waited a few days before I told Dear Husband that he was gonna be a daddy. I wanted to think of a cute way to tell him, I mean the first time only happens once right? Yeah, that never happened.

Now, you may think I'm just a lazy ass and that I'm exaggeration, but I'm not. I was feeling tired all the time. I would fall asleep at around 8pm every night and wake up at 7:30 the next morning; I really didn't have any energy to do anything, if I didn't have to work I would have slept all day only waking up to eat and go to the bathroom. DH started to get worried. He thought I was sad or something. "No Dear, I'm just tired" I would say. I can honestly say I felt drained, like this soon to be baby was a mack truck and it just knocked me on my ass . It was like the little bugger inside of me was taking all my super powers away. I would start to take naps on weekends and lay in bed right after I got home from work. Sleep was all the developing embryo needed. No food, no water just sleep. Sleep so that mommy's powers could be taken away as she dozed in her bed.

DH started to get worried since at this point he still had no clue. He thought it was because I didn't have a wedding to plan anymore, like I was falling into a post-wedding depression. "Are you OK? do you need a new hobby or a new project?" he would ask. After a few days of this I couldn't hold it in anymore. "Honey" I said "I'm not depressed, I'm pregnant" the look on his face was priceless. Bet ya he didn't see that one coming.

Congratulations, you're pregnant...or are you?

For a lot of women finding out they are expecting can be a mixed bag of emotions, I mean come on, you life could very well change based on what a stick soaked in pee will tell you. For me it was a just that. I went through a whole gambit of emotions. Dear Husband (DH) and I had just gotten married, we were still in the bliss of wedding day memories and planning out what was to come next in our lives. We had started trying for a baby months before, but nothing, I mean come on, it's not gonna happen just like that....right? Back from our wonderful little mini-Honeymoon getaway, we planned to take a bigger trip in about a year to Asia, and back from the nuptials of my good friend I had a thought. Hmm...I'm late. Okay, not a big deal wait a few more days and then pee on a stick. Let me tell you, those were the roughest few days. All I could think about was "am I?" or "aren't I?"(insert stress), "was this too soon" (insert panic and fear) or "how great would this be" (insert smile). Up and down I went, my over analyzing mind was going nuts. Finally I went to the drug store on my lunch break one day and there I stood in the front of the huge selection of pee sicks. Let me tell you, if you have never had to buy a pee stick before you have no idea. Those suckers are expensive! $20 a pop!? For a pee stick? Are you F'n kidding me? As I sat at work with the pee stick in my purse I felt a little tingle going on in my throat.

Hmm...was I coming down with something? In the back of my mind I knew something was different with my body. So I decided to go to the walk in clinic to get this potential cold looked at. While there I decided to recoup my $20 and maybe save it for another time just in case I wasn't pregnant (Yes, I'm this cheap). When I was being prepped to see the doctor the clinic nurse asked me if I have any questions. I told her I thought I may be pregnant. So she gave me a bottle to pee in and she did a test...for FREE! Negative (insert disappointment) "Better luck next time" she said. I will admit I was bummed. After all that thinking I had basically convinced myself that I was and all I needed was for the pee stick to confirm what I had been feeling for days. So with my prescription in hand I headed back to work. Well, there's always next month.

Another week passed and still nothing. The tickle in my throat was gone but something was still MIA. WTF! I was never this late. I waited a few more days and I brought out my $20 pee stick. I woke up early so I could do this in private. No need to let DH know if there was nothing to tell right? There is was 2 little pink lines. First Response had told me something the walk -in doctors office couldn't, something I had known deep down in side for weeks, I was indeed p regent (insert fear, panic, stress, happiness and jubilation). Off to my regular Doctors office I went. Come on, I had to do one more pee test just to be sure, one negative and one positive, I had to make sure and I wasn't gonna go spend another $20 for something my tax payer dollars entitled me to at the doctor's office.

My advise to those who are trying to get pregnant or think they may already be. Go with your gut, and pee tests are free at the doctor's office in Canada, thumbs up for subsidized healthcare. If your not, it may start to get expensive.

Welcome to the Baby Shoe Diaries

A few family and friends had asked me if I had been blogging about my first pregnancy experience, I mean I blogged about my wedding and about food so why not this life event? I don't know why I hadn't started one sooner. So here I am, 5:20am on a Friday morning in my 27th week of pregnancy starting a new blog. Welcome to The Baby Shoe Diaries. I'll be blogging about the good the bad and the ugly aspects of pregnancy; and believe me, there is plenty good, bad and ugly. Given I'm not the first women to go through this but this is my take on it all from morning sickness to that final push and beyond. You may agree, you may not. Sometimes it'll be gross and maybe once in a while it will make you smile. I'm not trying to change the world here people, just trying to shed a little light and share my experiences with the hopes that moms to-be (and existing moms) out there can relate and maybe crack a smile.