Judge and Jury

It’s been 2 weeks and 5 day since our baby girl came into our lives and these 2 weeks have been a real learning experience. Believe me, I now have no shortage of topics to blog about. From my boobs and milk production to projectile shits, the list is endless. But why bore you with the details of my last 2 weeks. I’m sure you’ve all had your fill of the TMI (Too Much Information) entries so far. So allow me to take a break from the breastfeeding, the diaper debacles and the other small adventures I’ve had that may seem mundane to those without children. I’ll be sure to blog about these things another day.

Now I’ve always been a judger. I judge and that’s just who I am. I never made any apologies about it and still don’t. It’s just who I am. But as a new mom something happened, I was now being judged, or at least felt like I was. Now being judged never really bothered me before, I have never apologized for who I am. But suddenly, I find myself bothered that or worried that my mommy skills may not be up to par.

Is my mother right? Do I hold her too much? And she’ll grow up to be clingy?

Does her pediatrician think I’ve let her nails grow too long and she may scratch herself?

Do other moms think I’m dressing her in too little/ or too many layers? Will se be too hot or too cold? Or do they just think I have no idea what I'm doing (they may be right on that one)

These are things that have been going through my head. I know it’s natural for a first time mother to question every little thing. I mean nobody wants to think they are doing a bad job or makes their baby uncomfortable. I know this is going to be a learning process and there is one heck of a learning curve. I just have to remember that women, seemingly less fit then myself, have raised children and have been successful. So how bad could I be at it? I just have to remind myself that people may not necessarily be judging me. If I’m holding a crying baby that wont calm down, they may be even actually pitying me.

Special Delivery....Birth Part 2

May contain too much information...reader's be advised :)

So Everleigh's birth wasn't really anything out of the ordinary, I mean women get induced all the time. I however, had a little harder of a time. I know women have had it worse but for my first experience with child birth it was a bit scary. After the delivery of a baby a woman still has to deliver the placenta. In my case, my uterus did not contract to deliver mine. So my Doctor had to pump something into my IV to help it along. When she did this and finally delivered my placenta 15 minutes later she noticed I was bleeding....a lot; and she had no idea when it was coming from. Since I had had an Epidural I really wasn't feeling much, I could just heat what was going on. All I heard was "I can't find the bleeding" and a whole bunch of nurses came in and they started injecting me with things. Then I heard them say they had to keep an emergency operating room available.

I knew it was bad when they advised DH to leave the room with the baby. Honestly, I don't know what happened. All I know is I was bleeding and eventually they stopped it. The last thing I remember was them telling me to stay awake; I guess I didn't because I woke up throwing up and four nurses were helping me to a wheel chair. For the first 12 hours after birth I was really weak and out of it. Seems I lost so much blood I almost needed a transfusion; but in the end they controlled it and I was OK.

No matter how weak I wanted to bond with Everleigh so I kept her on my chest and tried to feed her as I could. After a while I was able to carry on with the help of DH. This being my first experience with child birth, I will admit it scares me to do it again, but I will do it again it given the opportunity. I used to not understand when women said "it's all worth it in the end" I used to think, after all that pain why would you do it more then once? Now I know. It really is worth it when you see and hold your child and you know that they know you are their mother... Let's see if I feel the same way when Everleigh is entering her terrible twos.

Special Delivery....Birth- Part 1

So some of you may have noticed I'm been MIA for a week and a bit. Some of you may have figured it out, I've been busy, busy having a baby. Baby girl Everleigh was born June 9th, 2011 at 6:43am weighing in at 7 lbs 8 oz. I'm happy to say she is going well and perfect in every way. It's taken me a few days to get my bearings in, with recovery (I've had a doesy), doctors appointments and just adjusting to having a little one around. So where do I start? As always, I have so much to say, where do I begin.

Okay, lets start with the birth. Here is where I will insert a Too Much Information disclaimer, if you don't wanna know about it then please close the page.

My due date was June 20th but as you all know with the Gestational Diabetes there was a chance I would be induced early. So yes, that's what happened. On June 7th I went to the OB office and she said that growth of the baby had slowed down since the last ultrasound, which meant that my placenta was no longer working as it should. Common with GD mothers, as the placenta only has a certain lifespan. "We are gonna induce you tomorrow." said my OB in her harsh Eastern European accent. I'm sure my eyes almost bugged out of my head. Tomorrow?! that was so soon. OMG this was really gonna happen.

I was excited but as you can imagine terrified at the same time. I spent the day tying up loose ends, making sure my freezer was stocked with food and things we were running low on were bought. The next day DH and I went to the hospital to start our induction process. It wasn't really what I had expected. We arrived and the doctor put in Prostglandin Gel, which is commonly used to soften the cervix to prepare for birth, and she sent us home and told me to come back in 7 hours unless my water broke or I went into active labor. That was it? really? So we when home and waited. 7 hours later we went back to the hospital and it looked like I was ready to have my water broken by the doctor. The doctor came in and put on her gloves to start. Well, guess Everleigh wanted to do things on her own terms. The Doctor wheeled her chair over to break my water and with what felt like a big kick or pop my water broke on it's own. After that I started to get contractions and the wheels were in motion.

IV was eventually put in and the pain started....I always thought I had a high pain threshold, oh how i was mistaken. I was only dilated at 3-4 cm and I had had enough. I was no hero and this was no time for me to be Super Woman. All I can say is whom ever created Epideral is a God-sent. If your partner ever insists you should give birth drug free and you want the drug I say get the drug, I cannot imagine what labor would have been like without it. As the Epidural was administered my nurse held me up and made DH sit behind her. I feel sorry for the poor woman. I had a contraction in the middle of it and I swear I almost broke her neck. She had to adjust to brace herself as I squeezed my arms around her.

After the drugs I was good, I could talk and I felt enough to know when a contraction was coming and just felt enough pain to know things were happening, even if I did need a epistiotomy, I probably wouldn't have felt it anyways. Besides, by now it was 3-4am so I needed to rest....pushing was coming soon and I needed my energy. Last time I eat was 8 hours before, and I was running on limited sleep.

6am, it was time. I knew I had to push like a mo-fo. If not I would exhaust myself and that would mean a possibly for c-section, something I did NOT want. So push I did, 30 min to 45 minutes later, we had a baby. Not a turkey, but a healthy, pink, crying baby.

Little did I know what was about to take place....warning, more Too Much Information to come.

The Calm Before The Storm

I would just like to say I have been loving my time off. After 11 years for working with the same company I have finally had an opportunity to take extended time off. You see I had to take my 4 weeks holidays before my Maternity leave started, in Canada we get 12 months off; I am now in my 3rd week of vacation time. I will say that my home has never been cleaner, I have never been less stressed out and never been more well rested, I even get to have lunch with my husband 3 times a week. All of this however, is just the epic build up to have everything turned up side down. In a few weeks (who knows, maybe days) I will be sleep deprived, stressed out, anxious and my home will be in ruins and DH will be lucky if he has a sandwich waiting for him when he comes home for lunch. Once Baby comes all of this will turn to chaos, I know it. That is until I find my groove again.

Funny thing is, I don't mind if Baby comes into the world a bit earlier then excepted. Next week I will be 38 weeks and that would be an optimal time for me I think. Reason being is my doctor thinks my baby is really big right now and delivering before my due date would be best for me and the baby...me more. This may come as no surprise to those who know me but everything is done. Nursery set up...check. Baby's sleeping area in our bedroom...check. Stocked up on diapers, wipes, butt cream, bath stuff....check. Hospital bag in the car and waiting along with the car seat...check. All in all our happy household is ready for the arrival of Baby, well as ready as it's gonna be. I know that DH is super excited and wants Baby here sooner rather then later. So that's what I'm sticking to anytime next week or the week after is perfect for me (maybe I'll be eating my words). I'm already experiencing some of the "pre-labor" symptoms so we'll see where it leads to,but really who can ever predict when their baby will arrive, thats best left up to Mother Nature that and/ or the hospital.